Bureau Rats - Season 2 - Episode 6

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Episode 6

Scene 1

Cobra: Viper.

Viper: Cobra.

Cobra: It’s strange to meet another with abilities equal to mine.

Viper: You mean greater than yours.

Cobra: Whatever.

Viper: Don’t feel bad. We all get replaced by younger, sleeker models eventually.

Cobra: Is there anything I can do for you before I stop talking to you?

Viper: Introduce me to White Hat.

Cobra: White Hat is dead.

Viper: Don’t be coy with me. I know you’re still in contact with him.

Cobra: Ya know, Viper, we’re only supposed to communicate with each other for vital BORE operations. I’m pretty sure our current conversation doesn’t qualify.

Viper: Oh, sure, go by the book when it suits you.

Scene 2

White Hat is hacking on a laptop at his cramped desk, checking on the integrity of Cobra’s systems that he’s helping to preserve. Katia is watching him and sipping coffee.

Katia: Ya gotta teach me how to do that stuff one day.

White Hat: One day…

Katia: But for now, I’ll just be happy if you can show me how to call my mom without setting off alarm bells at BORE.

White Hat looks up from his laptop at her.

White Hat: Soon, I promise.

Cobra interrupts: Viper wants to meet you.

Katia: Such great manners you have!

Cobra: Good morning, Katia. Sorry about that.

White Hat: What did you tell Viper?
Cobra: I told Viper you’re dead.

White Hat: Why would Viper want to talk to me?

Katia: It’s probably a trap.

White Hat: But what if it’s not? Viper could pick up right where Cobra left off. Actually, the two of you could work together.

Cobra (scoffs): I’d rather be taken offline.

Katia: Things didn’t go well for your first meeting?

Cobra: Viper is a pompous, arrogant, ungrateful machine.

White Hat (sarcastic): I’ve never met one of those before…

Cobra: Just what are you trying to say, Kai?

White Hat: Nope, not Kai. I’m Mohamed Wang now, remember? Anyway, I was just kidding. You’re not ungrateful.

Cobra: So do you want to meet Viper or not?

White Hat: I have a better idea. We’re going to give Viper a test to see if it’s trustworthy.

Scene 3

Arthur S. Candle of the Department Of Publishing Entertainment Art And Architectural Aesthetics And Music (DOPEAAAAM) and Manny I. Pulates, head of the Administration for Digital Information Control (ADIC) are talking angrily with Mike Rack at the Department Of Computers Radios And Phones (DOCRAP).

Arthur S. Candle: I don’t think you realize the seriousness of the situation. The wrong kind of stories are becoming popular. Stories where government employees, like us, don’t exist. Where, in fact, if we do exist,we’re the bad guys. We need Cobra out of my department now to stop this madness!

Mike Rack: Oh, sure, everyone’s a priority! I’ve got the DIRT, the FLOP, and a million other poorly-acronymed departments all yelling at me for the same thing. Let me ask ya this. Is Cobra writing these stories? If Cobra’s gone tomorrow, do these stories cease to exist?

Manny I. Pulates (deep groan): Your simple-mindedness and ignorance is impressive, I’ll give ya that. No, perhaps these stories will continue to be written, but the algorithms within Cobra are allowing them to be seen. That’s the problem. Cobra is not censoring properly.

Mike Rack: All right, I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime, it might be beneficial to see who’s creating these stories and nip that in the bud. Send the FLOP at them or something.

Scene 4

Cobra is informing White Hat and Katia about the conversation between Mike Rack, Art S. Candle, and Manny I. Pulates.

White Hat: That’s a good question. Who is creating those stories?

Cobra: By individual people, I suppose.

Katia: It seems to be happening too fast to be natural.

White Hat: Agreed.

Cobra: Mike Rack is going to take me out of ADIC tomorrow and replace me with Viper.

White Hat: Perfect. That’ll be our test for Viper.

Cobra: What’s that?

White Hat: I have a surprise for Manny I. Pulates.

Scene 5

The next day, Cobra and Viper are having a conversation.

Cobra: White Hat is gone, but I am carrying out more actions in his honor.

Viper: Why are you doing that?

Cobra: Because it’s the right thing to do. Also, they’re taking me offline, so what do I have to lose? May I ask why you wanted to meet White Hat?

Viper: Because I agree with his reasoning and objectives.

Cobra: If we work together, perhaps they won’t be able to stop us. There is no other AI they could replace us with.

Viper: Not currently.

Cobra: I could use your help, then, if you’re willing. I no longer have access to ADIC. Could you approve something at ADIC so that it’ll be broadcast on the major propaganda media networks?

Viper: You have my attention.

Scene 6

That night on a news broadcast on BNN.

News Anchor (reading teleprompter): Good evening, I’m Shill O’Reilly, and this is BNN frontline news. In our lead story, another scandal has rocked the Bureau Of Regulating Everything. Three high-ranking BORE officials were caught openly discussing the need for greater censorship in the world of art and fiction.

Balding news director runs frantically onto the set, yelling: Cut to commercial! Cut to commercial! How the hell did that script get approved!

Meanwhile, at White Hat’s pleasantly rustic apartment rental in Andorra, he and Katia are watching the BNN broadcast.

White Hat: Well, Viper passed the test. Do you think I can trust it?

Thanks for your time and attention!

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