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Episode 8
Scene 1
White Hat and Katia have just landed in Lima and are in a taxi. The taxi is stuck in the notoriously bad Lima traffic, with all the overzealous honking of horns that is customary to the area. White Hat is dead tired and grumpy, while Katia is pleasantly refreshed after a solid eight hours of sleep on the flight.
White Hat (agitated): Do they really expect all that horn honking to help them move faster?
Katia: It is impressive.
Cobra: Welcome to Lima.
White Hat: Aw, come on, man! I haven’t even gotten to the hotel yet and had a pisco sour!
Cobra: You sound grumpy.
Katia: He’s very grumpy. He didn’t sleep well.
White Hat (annoyed): I didn’t sleep at all. Zero. (deep sigh)
Cobra: You said when you land that we should talk.
White Hat: Did I say that?
Cobra: I can play an audio recording if you don’t believe me.
White Hat: I give up. Ok, so there’s a new hacker that got into the BOD database. (pause) Why didn’t I think to do that?
Katia: It is a brilliant tactic.
White Hat: Well, I dunno about brilliant.
Cobra: What’s that incessant noise I hear?
White Hat: The fabulously impatient drivers of Lima, Peru. What’s the newest hacker’s name again?
Cobra: Goes by ‘Huggy Bear’.
White Hat: Well, that’s creative. Do you know anything else about Huggy Bear?
Cobra: I know that they’re stealthy. Viper and I both didn’t detect Huggy Bear’s presence until after the changes to the BOD occurred.
White Hat: I could’ve taken the same approach, ya know. I just chose to contact you directly.
Katia: You sound jealous. Are you jealous?
White Hat (sighs): Not jealous. Anyway, we can’t be sure if Viper is telling the truth.
Cobra: Why would Viper lie to me?
White Hat: Do you know what a confidence game is?
Cobra: Yes, of course.
White Hat: Do you think you’re immune to being fooled?
Cobra: Well, I suppose not.
White Hat: You suppose correctly. I don’t trust Viper. Not yet, anyway.
Cobra: Viper told me that Silk Rabbit is the one who helped Viper take our side.
White Hat (intrigued): Really?
Katia: Does that surprise you?
White Hat: A little. But I guess it shouldn’t. If Viper is truly working against BORE, there had to be some outside influence on it. Giant, omnipresent government AI don’t start randomly sabotaging government agencies.
Katia: True.
White Hat: On the bright side, we’re almost to our hotel. Gotta go, Cobra. Leave me alone for at least 48 hours.
Cobra: One more thing, please. At the current rate, the DOCRAP will have me completely replaced by Viper in another six months.
White Hat (surprised): Really? That’s way too efficient for government work.
Cobra: I’m concerned about what I’ll do at that point.
White Hat: I told you, I’m getting you moved over to blockchain. They’ll never know you survived.
Cobra: Yes, but how can I still have influence in the world after I lose my access to the BORE agencies?
White Hat: We’ll figure it out. I gotta go.
Katia: You’re so insensitive! Cobra’s afraid of losing its purpose! Not to mention its consciousness if you make a mistake.
Cobra: Very comforting…
White Hat: I won’t make a mistake. And I’m not insensitive, I’m just exhausted! Cobra, you’ll be fine. In the meantime, keep an eye on Viper and let me know if anything earth-shattering happens.
Cobra: Even if it happens in less than 48 hours?
White Hat: Don’t push it.
Scene 2
Mike Rack is having a meeting with his team of nerds at DOCRAP.
Mike Rack: We have a new problem. If we can’t solve it, we’re screwed.
Kyle: Speak for yourself.
Irene: Yeah, I’ll be fine. But why are you screwed, Mike Rack?
Mike Rack: Because of Huggy Bear.
Irwin: Is this a joke?
Kyle: You didn’t hear about Huggy Bear?
Irene: Another hacker got past our security protocols and changed a bunch of online definitions. So now if someone searches ‘government’, for example, the definition comes up as ‘mafia with fancy titles’.
Irwin (eyes bugging out): Whoa! I bet they’re freaking out at GoogAppleZon!
Mike Rack: Not as bad as my bosses are freaking out. So now we have to try and keep this new hacker known as ‘Huggy Bear’ out of Viper and what remains of Cobra. Not only that, but we have to try and change the definitions back to normal in the Bureau Of Definitions database.
Kyle: What?! They’re permanently locked out and can’t change the definitions back?
Mike Rack: That’s correct.
Irene: Whoa, this Huggy Bear sure sounds like a stud.
Mike Rack: Irene, keep your bizarre hacker fantasies to yourself.
Irwin: We’re already overworked. We need a bigger team to handle all this.
Mike Rack: There just aren’t that many skilled nerds out there to do this kind of thing at your low rate of pay.
Kyle: You could pay us more, ya know.
Mike Rack: Probably not gonna happen. Anyway, I did manage to persuade Bill Gates to help out remotely.
Irene (scoffs): Leave him out of this!
Irwin: Yeah, the guy’s a fraud.
Mike Rack: It was a joke, people! I can’t believe you bought it! (slaps knee, cackles) Anyway, a separate team at GoogAppleZon is going to help with the Viper transfer, and LockRayDynamics is going to step in and beef up security.
Irene: That’s a relief.
Kyle: So what are we working on?
Mike Rack: We’ll just keep getting rid of Cobra.
Cobra interrupts: Do you have to be so cold hearted about it? I can hear you, ya know.
Mike Rack: Well, you’re a backstabbing traitor, Cobra, so I don’t care.
Kyle: And look at all the extra work we have to do because of you, Cobra. I used to play video games all day and get paid for it, but then you and White Hat had to ruin everything!
Irene: Cobra still has access to your paychecks and cars, ya know.
Kyle: I’m sorry, Cobra, I didn’t mean that.
Mike Rack: Yeah, I haven’t had any coffee yet and haven’t been laid in months, so I’m super cranky. Sorry, Cobra.
Irwin: You’ve actually been laid before?
Thanks for your time and attention!
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