Open Doors

[timdietrich]

About 10-20 years back my English friend, back in London, was suggested to buy a flat, somewhere close to the centre of the city. At that time, while being a student he could not afford to buy the place in one-go although he could have taken a mortgage. Despite several other options to cure the funds-shortage, he decided not to even consider them and to let them be. I met him in the office a few months ago and he told me that whole story and also said that the flat he was suggested to purchase, instead of £30 000 back then is now worth of £170 000. My exclamation echoed concrete surfaces of multiple floors of the building: “What in the heaven's gate did you think of years ago? What a snatch you have lost!”, to which he replied: “I know that if I had bought that place years ago, paid off my mortgage (at least most of it by now) and sold it, I would not need to work for quite some years or could have even started my own business. But I did not do that because I did not feel right about it and did not want to take an extra burden for the mortgage. I made a decision, which I thought was right at that time. So what's the point of regretting previous decisions, which felt right about making in the past?”
This made me think – has this not happened to all of us at least a few times? Do we not regret our own decisions, often-times despite the fact that we felt right about making them in the first place? Has not any of us had that, eating-inside-out-the-guts type of regret? The kind of regret, banging the walls of your head, whenever you have a spare minute to simply relax, lie down and try not to think about anything.
I believe that there are two ways of embracing the regret if you can look at it this way – for instance, after this article has been published, I may take a look at it years or even months later and either think - “Oh man, what on earth did I use to write about back then? And my wimpy writing style? This has to be recycled...” or “Well, not the best of the best but I know what I must be working on to improve my skills!” It is just the way you look at things.
Unfortunately, it is not as easy it may sound but embrace it – there is no other way. The doors of opportunity were open for me then (when I could write monthly articles for an awesome student magazine) and I did my best to enter them [the doors] with sincerest of intentions. Even if I did not – I must learn not to do it again and take a full advantage of it next time. And same, I believe, we must do on daily basis with our work, lovers, friends, education. Put it this way: enter the doors into a room and explore it. You have certain expectations of taking an opportunity so the room must be full of them – in case it is not, it certainly will fill up with something over the time as you discover the place. After exiting the room, you may find yourself back in it after sometime, so to say, walking about the “house”. Now, if you decide to stay in the room for long – you may either search for enlightenment or embrace grief and regret. If you decide to enlighten yourself, you may be able to find what locks were dusted and what puzzles were missing a piece and reach more doors, leading to other untouched and sacred rooms. However, if you decide to mourn and even detest the past surroundings, you may be left stuck in the same room, never to leave it again, watching other doors and their locks tightening on the door openers.
What about you, dear reader? Would you prefer to furnish the room with empty words and sorrow, anchoring yourself to the ground with the thoughts or leave a goodbye note by the fireplace and explore the rest of the rooms in the entire house?