Okay, so I'm watching a YouTuber by the name of "The Dom" do a review in his series Lost in Adaptation and he really (some would say Justifiably) hates everything 50 Shades of Grey. Understandable. They're a bad joke at this point.
-but-
(Having never read the books or seen the movies myself) I'm watching Dom's review for his Beautiful Watchers on the seriesgoes in depth into rants about the characters & their behavior, and about the 17 minute mark of his video "Fifty Slightly Darker Shades of Physical and Emotional Abuse part 1" it clicks on what the hell is so frustrating for Dom & so many others in regards to Grey, and it's not what you might immediately think.
There's a trope in writing (and reading and reviewing) where some male author writes a female protagonist into an action-oriented series. The end product is usually derisively referred to as a "Man with Tits". Honor Harrington is often criticied as a high-profile example, (and you can notice how far the reach SFF lit actually has when you've likely never heard of her.
Christian Grey is the reverse of this. Writen by female author E. L. James, Christian's petty manipulations and constant gaslighting, even commenting on Ana's weight, (after not seeing each other for what, 3 days or somethin? Look, I'm listening to a review, not reading the book myself.) this is chick stuff. Christiand Grey is a Woman with a Dick.
Specifically, he's the classic Alpha Bitch trope: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AlphaBit…
He's Heather Chandler from Heathers he's Regina George in Mean Girls.
That style of manipulative interactions are more prevalent among women than they are men. (Also, in the review, Dom mentions Grey going on about the backstory of his feels and emotional sharing, so there's that, too.) Fuuuuq it also plays into why women are so infatuated with the idea of him.
He has that same Alpha Bitch appeal that Heather Chandler did in the 1984 original. Ana = Veronica, (initially, at least) desiring to if not outshine Heather/Christian, (that'll never happen, not in a million years, like totally!) to bask in the glow of others as they pay homage to the Alpha Bitch (and their inner circle/clique of backstabby 'friends').
So while the characters may be awful in their own way, their appeal is to those who respond and recognize those desires- not the sex or bdsm, though those are melodramatic icing, but in the social desire to (have) be(en) in proximity of the "clique" (back in High School). Christian is forgiven for the mere fact that he is that unstoppable "popular" girl.
Must be why I avoided that series like AIDS. Even reading the back of the book description, something really felt off about it.