Hello, Steemit! I was on the far seas once again, solving some kraken-related stuff, but now I'm back! And what better to return than @bananafish 's #finishthestory contest!
This week's prompt was marvelous and inspired me right away! So without further ado, here's my entry! Hope you enjoy : )
It is said that Mr. Renhe Ren, of Daochu village, in the province of Quan Shijie, in his forty-second year of life, was seized by a great rage because of his long-standing enemy, who was constantly working to hinder and ruin any of his activities and projects. Faced with the umpteenth abuse, Mr. Renhe Ren felt that his harmony and self-control were going to be lost. He was no longer able to feel the noble sentiments worthy of a superior man.
Then he remembered the words of the wise man. "Sit down along the river bank and wait, sooner or later you will see the corpse of your enemy pass". So, he left the village of Daochu and went down to the river. He found a willow with a wide foliage that bent gently over the water, and sat down in his shadow, determined to wait until the wisdom of the ancestors had brought a solution to his problem.
He awaited for days and nights, meditating. Sun, rain, wind and fog alternated tormenting him, but neither the heat, nor the cold, nor the humidity, nor the insects distracted him from his waiting. Time passed, until one day in late autumn, the stream swollen for the rains brought a corpse to its feet, face down. Mr. Renhe Ren shook himself from his meditation and leaned towards the muddy water, his heart finally calm.
Great was his surprise when he saw…
Great was his surprise when he saw his own clothes on the floating corpse. Mr. Ren found it unsettling for a moment, and blinked a few times, looking at himself and then the corpse. Although it was facing downwards, there was also something familiar about the shape of its head and the shoulders.
A small whirlpool formed in front of the place where Mr Ren was meditating, and kept the body from going any further down the river, as if it was waiting for him to approach it and discover an eerie truth.
The man reached with his hand, trembling and sweating while his head raced out of control. After stopping, hesitant, for an instant, Mr Ren turned the corpse around and there was, expectedly, his own contorted face, swollen with death and wetness, mouth wide open and eyes stray among the stars.
An unmesurable sadness took over Mr Ren. Not fear, not despair, not anguish, only a deep tar-like sadness. He quickly covered his face with his hands, sobbing incontrolably while tears slipped down his arms. He settled for a moment, uncovered his eyes, but the crying went on again, and he placed his hands back over his eyes.
But all tears dry eventually and Mr Ren was left red-eyed, looking at his dead self there, spinning on the calm waters. After a while his horrible death-mask started shapeshifting. Now he saw the face of his enemy, now the face of his son, now the face of his mother, now a face he didn’t know… He sat there watching and pondering, emptied of sadness or longing or frustration, or any other emotion, all washed away with his tears… Until he fell asleep.
By morning, he was woken by his eldest son. The newborn sun burned bright in the sky, and there was not a trace of the body in the river.
Mr Ren hugged his son until the boy felt awkward and struggled to get out, and then some more. Then he let go and took his hand back to the village, his heart as clear as the very morning.
Brilliant, Amirani! Ren's calm shattered by the reveal of first his face and then the others on the corpse forces him to take stock. The beauty that I see in your story is the multitude of meanings from the message sent by the river. One, that his anger and rage are the enemies, which will claim not only him but his foe, loved ones and unknown others if he continues to carry them in his heart. Or, that death is the ultimate enemy, one that defeats us all in the end. Best to let the negatives in life fall away and to embrace with joy those who matter the most to you while you're still alive.
Exactly! All rivalries end when we face the reality that we are all equal when measured against the great beast of confusion that this existence is...
I'm thankful we have the Potassium Deity to help us face all. Praised be!
Indeed,
One of my favourite books ever, and one of the messages that most resonate with me and what I was trying to tell by this story!
Beautiful final! A use of the words fantastic. You have told a process of self-analysis, in which through the recognition of the cause of suffering there is a rebirth to new life. I really like how you concluded the story
Great ending, working well with the first part
Posted using Partiko Android
Congrats on the first entry for the week. Finding himself sets the bar high for this round.
Thanks! I'll cross it off my first-timers list (hadn't realize I got the first entry) : D
Great end!
Posted using Partiko Android
Great idea and writing too. Keep it up. :)
I was inspired right away also. Just takes me longer to say what I want. You did it almost instantly--and well.
@marcoriccardi's tale was like a Rorschach test. We bring to the end our own experience and philosophy. Whatever we write will be revealing of ourselves, I think.
😮 😎
It is a weird process for me. Sometimes it takes me week to speak, although inspired, sometimes it pours out almost uncontrollably, without any inspiration. This week's prompt spun my cogs at once - inspiration and words-pouring all at once!
I think the whole dynamics of this contest is like a big psychological profile (maybe the @bananafish is carefully using this device as a means to analyze and experiment with us... But we must not doubt the ways of Potassium-fishiness!); but I agree it really shows on this week's prompt. The imagery of the river, the rival (our counterpart), and of course that "fill-your-answer-here" ending too...
Trust me, there is data. hahaha
I swear I won't look!
Ha! I remember this one! I love short horror! 😎 Thanks, Tristan!
Ahhh...We may be part of a scheme by the bananafish to decipher our inner psyches and use us for some undisclosed purpose.....
I see a plot developing for a new "beginning" :)) Maybe someone will pick up on that and we'll find this as a prompt one week 😁
You could write that beginning ...
I think I could have a lot of fun with that...my imagination can be quite bizarre :) Don't tempt me. I already see it!
Tempting - I am. People want a beginning story written by you. Since the motivation for the story is there, ...
Besides, it sparked my interest. I'd like to see what I come up with for an ending.
Oh, please do, Agmoore! This squirrel is NOT above bribes, you know...
You and #tristancarax do tempt me (not as much as the Reese's Pieces, though!). Always up for a good conspiracy story. See if something bubbles to the surface :)
Well put.
This is an existentially spiritual tale, fantastically written right here on how he let his rage blind him, how he came here not for avenging his glory but for his pitiable position, to then see who’d he hurt other than his dreaded enemy in those visions and then changing for the sake of dodging the road he threw the entire lot of the World into. Blessed with what he has, he’s gonna try his best to respect the will of his rival and believe in his own. At the dying years, he finally held and saved the integrity of his ego not by getting revenge but by not worrying the thing that was outta his control. Only now can he take the steps to Eudaimonia (the Good life in English from the Greek) and maybe stop suffering economically from his rival. But I guess another tale for another time... Like to see what yah think about me story~
Ah, yes, good, blissful Eudaimonia! This was a concept I ran into some months ago and it really interested me. I liked that you have brought it up, as it shows it is leaking through my hand haha
I still had a couple of words left to tell some more, but I decided on a more open ending to leave the reader to imagine what comes next and what Mr Ren's got from his experience. I'm glad to see my intent came through nevertheless : )
Thanks for yet another wholesome comment!
This is such a wonderful way to go with it. The ending, just bam, comes straight in with the impact, and you never even actually say it! Just so fantastically done, you force a moment of introspection on the reader, thinking about how this is what was revealed to him, and thrown in the light of the faces of the one he perceived as his enemy, his mother, his son, and a face yet unknown, brings a deeper caution. There is a very cathartic release in there, his rage sated. Although, you create a wonderful, was his rage really to do with his enemy, or was it his own, redirected to someone else. You tell a fable of reflection, and introspection leading to contentment, which seems so very fitting for the setting of the first half.
Edit: Oh my word, and i nearly forgot the mention the wonderful use of language, this bit just really got me:
such a poetic way to describe it!
After reading your entry and your little add-in at the end in which you mention your love of fables, I'm deeply honored that you call my entry a fable, haha! I'm glad you've found all this in my story, and that you find it fitting with the prompt : )
Thanks for a marvelous comment and for the compliments on my use of language!
Congratulations @amirani! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click here to view your Board
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP