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RE: 16 days of literature: Particle Ghost

in #finishthestory6 years ago

Heyo! Great multi-entry here :D I love so so much your skill with haiku, how your mind can give birth to those magnificent three liners, each beautiful on its own way... A pleasure to read, most definitely.

Another thing I adore about reading your work is how you can jump from style to style, and be so refreshing and masterful in each one. Your fox tale was a delight to read, rush as rush does heat to the lover's faces, which is the perfect rythm to tell a tale like the one you just did.

Also I chuckled on this line

A ba-aa-ah and purr pervaded the air

Because... Goats and cattos haha!

Now, onto the FtS. I can see why you wanted to know my thoughts on your story (just reading your comment!). I can see many resemblances between our Mr. Rens and their self discovery journey, although you dare go much deeper and take him on a ride to the great beyond, That Which Lies Beneath the Surface... I think it is a great fit to use this style of "chain of haikus" to narrate this, as you manage to evocate great images, so brief yet so vivid, one after the other, as those of the half-remembered dream that this kind of experience could very well be. I felt the river twist and turn my own body and mind around with each line.

If I had to choose a haiku which resonates with me the most it would be:

Only one kiss lands
-the elder's eyes swelling with tears
of shame forgiven

As the crying was something central to my entry. There's something purging about shedding tears, like cleaning oneself from the inside. I find it marvelous how tears can start from sadness, joy, frustration, release, forgiveness, or a mix of so much...

Another Mr Ren, coming back to the paths towards Eudaimonia...

Thanks for a delightful read!

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Uw-peckin'-wU ~ Thanks for reading, analyzing and complimenting the work! Thanks for complimentin' me mind and how these styles devour themselves. But yes, goats-n-cats because I got keep the posts self-consistent and referencing each other. But I be enjoying yer comparison of me work with yers to then talk about yer favorite haiku line. However, our Mr Rens accomplished a path towards Eudaimonia and I thank yah one last time.

Feet-sway dance.gif