I'm back again for another entry into Finish the Story Contest held over in the @bananafish realms.
WARNING: Please, if you don't like the beginning half, violence towards women, or strong horror in general, feel free to skip along to another post where fairytales rule the day because you won't find that here.
@dirge
"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" Mike asked. He glanced over his shoulder, ensuring that Derek was still in the bathroom. "I mean. He's your uncle. That doesn't bother you?"
"You don't know him like I do.” Terry sipped his beer. Budweiser, working class. He snubbed his cigarette out and lit another. “He deserves it.”
“That’s not up for question.” Mike shrugged. “What I mean is, it’s heavy, is all. Taking life. It’s not a simple thing. You don’t know. Cause you’ve never done it. So don’t be doing this deal just because Derek wants you to.”
“Don’t question me.” Terry eyed Mike, his face tensing up, his pupils dilated. Guys on meth, Mike noted.
Derek returned from the bathroom, cigarette dangling from his grinning mouth. He stretched his arms out to Mike and Terry, the gristle on his chin showing. “Boys,” he said. “Let’s get over this plan a final time, then, eh fuckers?”
Derek walked over to his bar and brought back three more beers. The empty bar, Jerry’s, had been his fathers, who, incidentally, was also not named Jerry. “Terry, what are you going to do?”
Terry sipped his beer and began. “I’m going to come along on his fishing trip that he takes every Sunday. I’ll communicate it to him in person. I’ll tag along up to his favorite fishing trip at Red Top State Park. I’ll get him nice and drunk so I drive back.”
Derek turned to Mike. “And you?”
“I’ll be ready and waiting at the gas station of the 4-1-1. I put a gun to their head and demand cash. Terry says there’s cash back at his Uncle John’s place, not far off. And, if he’s right, there is, buried in the backyard. The house is off the main road, far from neighbors, so it’ll just be the two of us."
“And I’ll be following y’all there.” Derek nodded. “We get the cash, kill the old man and make it all look like an accident.” Derek leaned in close to them. Mike could smell the cheap bourbon and cigarettes on his breath. “Now, not one of you is going to fuck this up, because I’m not going back to prison. So I’m going to make this crystal-fucking-clear for y’all. You do it all like I say. Exactly like I say, and there’s no trouble. Understand? No trouble aside from you having the problem of which hooker you want stick your Mr. Franklin into for the evenin’, undestand?”
Derek extended his hand to Mike. Mike shook it, looking him firm in the eyes. This was Derek’s ritual before a job. He’d seen it all before.
Terry was next. He took Derek’s hand. But Derek didn’t let go.
“You lying to me about your Uncle Jon burying his loot in the back yard? About what he did to you? You lying to me now, boy?”
Terry stared Derek in the eyes. “I’m not. So promise me that I get to be the one to do it.”
MY ENDING
Terry, Mike, and Derek wrapped to chairs by duct tape awoke when the smelling salt entered their noses.
"Welcome back, boys. Don't scream! Just fooling. How could you with a gag in your mouth and duct-tape to hold it in. Let me ask right off the bat as I sharpen this here dull knife your stupid fuckin' friend stuck me with. You didn't expect that one, did you? No, no one ever expects the little, weak, frail old man to have a gas room and the strength to back it up. Listen, youngin's, I've been pickin' up two-ton hay bails since your momma started bleedin' down her legs and gassin' things three times as long as you've been alive and drinkin' since I left the womb. - shrink-shrink I love that sound. - Let me take you back through the past sixty-years, fellas, because no matter what you do to rid yourself of it, it keeps comin' to find you. I've learned that once a man kills another man his life is no longer his, they ... haunt you. Were you ready for that, Terry? I mean - really ready? No, I say you never had the balls, you piss-ant-little-twirp. Do you know how many bodies I've burned over the years so that I could afford my lavish lifestyle, this piece of heaven I've carved out for myself? No, you don't. That is a secret I've kept from you. I was goin' to let you live out your miserable existence because I promised one god damn female and here the fuck it is to bite me in the ASS. I'm never trustin' that voice again. Fuckin' bitch won't shut her trap. I'll find a way. Back to you. You just had to come back here, didn't you? It's not your fault your so ... - shrink-shrink - stupid, after all, you were born from a heifer, a waste of a livin' body that the worms won't even touch. That is what produced you, magot. Why did you have to come back? You were out. Oh, I know what it's about. You want some of the treasure you overheard me speaking about, don't you? Took you long enough to fall into my trap. I would have pulled this gag sooner but that god damn whore... Tryin' to scratch that crystal itch, eh? You sure are a gullible little fuck. Please, allow me to show you my treasure, my precious savin's that I've culminated over the years. I've taken the liberty of diggin' it up for you, this precious box that holds my precious ... souvenirs. Yes, that's right, cunt. My souvenirs - shut the fuck up, woman. Stay outta my god damn head! - shrink-shrink"
A frying pan came flying through the dim lighting, cracking Jerry's head open like a watermelon. He died instantly.
A woman hysterically screamed, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! NO MORE! MO MORE!"
A door slammed.
Loud hysterical sobbing trailed off into the wheat fields.
Hours later after getting free, Terry, with Mike and Derek behind him, opened the box his uncle prized. There were various shapes and sizes, various colors and hues of --- teeth. Nothing but teeth.
THE END
| Previous | Finish the Story Contest | Entries | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| The Town That Changed | Even the Clouds Smile | The Border | Horror Vacui | When the Tundra Calls |
| Black Star | Quitting Life | LER | It Awakens | 1st place Coaster Town |
| Apocalypse and Pretzels | Metallic Kisses | Curie upvoted The Battle of Bloodneck Valley | Awakening | |
| Curie Upvoted Obstinancy | The Last Will and Testament of Geralda Connors | Curie Upvoted Pirate Hunters | Spoon-fed Memories | Lucid Dream |
| The Taste of Chicken | Curie upvoted Hunt More Precious Than a Green Stone | Kayla | Curie Upvoted The story of Mr. Renhe Ren | Second Prize Winner Blue Inferno for Tres Culos |
| Leitner | Collaboration A Game in the Hall | Curie upvoted The Extraodrdinary Café | The Package | Curie Upvoted The Abysmal Biscuit |
| The Devisal of Mr. Dankworth | Pointy Eyes Shine in the Dark | Foreigner | Curie Upvoted The Church |
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I think I had to read this three times and this unexpected twist hit my head too right in the middle of my eyes (but the watermelon is still intact, more or less).
I'm sooo happy you were able to survive (loading syringe with strychnine). Come closer and tell me all about it.
Stay away.
Will do. Thanks. lol
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Damn, Uncle Jon's too strong and clever for his age. How old was he?
The end with the treasure, the teeth. Creepy!
At least around 60 years-of-age. I had in mind different serial killers that had their personalities split by the crimes they've done.
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I laughed a little at the end, with those dentures in storage.
Terry, Mike and Derek planned their supposed robbery so much, to fall into the game of cat and mice, that finally they didn't eat cheese but excrement.
I did good if I can make people laugh at a horror story. lol Maybe this piece is more comical than I think.
Goes to show that you'd better do your research before going after some "frail" old dude.
Kinda reminds me of that movie, Dont Breathe? I love that his treasure box contains nothing but teeth :D Clatter, clatter!
The teeth's trope is always a must.
You know, I'm not much of a horror person beyond listening to "The Last Podcast on the Left," which is pretty horrific. I'm surprised I allow myself to write this way at times. I think has helped to write this way so that I can get it out of my head. This month has been pretty weird in the way that people are acting.
I have not seen "Don't Breathe," but it does look interesting.
Thanks for stopping by.
@veryspider, yo, I had to check out "Don't Breathe" because the reviews were good and I've got to say - DAMN! That was a trip! Probably one of the best horror flicks I've ever seen in my life. So many good twists and turns that didn't come as expected from a typical horror flick. I could feel for the blind man and understand a little of what he was experiencing. Thanks for name drop.
Hahah, I'm glad you enjoyed it :D It is a nice and short little horror flick~
Ahhh i just love this! Under estimating the uncle, him being all the monster he was set up to be, and more, there is a real skill in how you never actually say what he did to Terry, and you don't have to. And damn, how they underestimated him! Not as easy a target as they thought, I like how you set it up, that this was a trap the uncle laid, and they walked into blind.
The actual ending is really well done. It's a hard thing to convey in fiction, not something I have got to grips with yet, although I have tried and missed it a couple of times, so I am hoping you will bear with me
cos this was a fantastic roller coaster, and I really enjoyed just being a part of it, and i want to understand how you achieved it, that dialogue is some real flawless internal external mixed representation that shows someone struggling with voices so very well. In that last bit, does she take over, and hit him with the frying pan, and kill one of the personalities, then leave? That's what I felt like, but then I am not sure if I am projecting a bit and maybe missing something, and please forgive me if i am cos my head is like a swamp this week and the end result here is so wonderful, i want to make sure I haven't missed anything trying to take notes for myself. <3
The box of teeth, damnnnnnnn, I really love that... I mean who's most precious possession isn't their box of assorted people teeth right? haha
Would you mind explaining a little further what you mean in the second sentence (love the bear):
I'm so very happy that you were able to pick up on the external-internal factors happening here. I wasn't sure if that was coming across as I had hoped being that it was a monolog, which I've been wanting to try for quite some time.
I think part of how I achieved this is by listening to "The Last Podcast on the Left" for the last couple of years. I'm not really a horror type of person, although I have liked learning about serial killers in the fun and interesting ways this podcast speaks about them. I've noticed that some of my own thinking tends to parallel the psychopaths at times, especially when I'm being extremely hard on myself for things done in the past that I'm not proud of or I'm on an emotional downswing, as I do tend to be a self-harmer. - I, also, used to question if I was a psychopath heavily, but, no I'm not. I just have no compulsion and/or desired to take people's lives. I'll take myself out first before that happens.
You're close to what I had in my head. Let me attempt to clear that up.
From what I've come to understand about some serial killers is that they often times will have split personalities do to trauma from childhood, brain injuries, and the like. The picture I had in my head was that he was fighting this internal voice throughout the scene. Some serial killers will not touch their families - leaving people in awe and shock when they come to find out about the monster who fooled them into thinking they were a great person. Unfortunately for Terry, he was targeted but saved only because of this internal voice that held his Uncle at bay.
Where the external woman comes in is where I pictured a real person somehow getting free from bondage somewhere inside of the house/castle/hotel and then taking the time to finish him off as a way to keep him coming for her later on.
May I have your ...
haha!!!
Someone hearing voices, I am always drawn to a more internal perspective and it doesn't work this well to convey that's what's going on.
Oooo interesting, I am not so into podcasts, just for lack of listening chance, if I have time I tend to prefer documentaries, more blood then 😉 I have always found serial killers fascinating. So that's the podcast with the stuff about murders and split personality? I knew untreated schizophrenia has lead to those sort of breaks but I didn't think split personality was actually that common. I might have to check it out anyway. I knew someone who was adamant I had it but at the time there were very few documented cases, still don't think I do but then maybe that's exactly what someone would say haha. Psychopathy has more places at the board room table than in prison these days anyway, but having legit known one, pretty confident you're safe ;)
Oooooo I like that, I had thought it was the same voice that had kept Terry safe (ish), it does work as either, it is sadder as a voice, I think I prefer your intended ending, a survivor breaking free and taking out the uncle. It adds to the realism, but also the gravity of the situation they got themselves into!
That was my impression too, that she was in his head until she escaped.
I might be scareder of that frying pan woman than I am of John and his creepy box of teeth.
ETA: Also the three of them are fools if they stayed one second longer there to check out the treasure box rather than getting out as quick as they could.
Moral of the story: Don't piss women off.
Isn't that just called "Great Hollywood Writing?" 8-)
That's it, boys, pack it in. We've solved the mysteries of life and writing in one afternoon.
I saw the HH Holmes Murder Hotel picture, and wasn't disappointed.