Sitting here waiting for my baby to come home. Slept in awhile because sleep lastnight was fitful. I was angry with a friend and I got quiet on the walk home. Lost in my thoughts and annoyed. Everything hit me at once and I don’t like what I turn into when I get dark. Too many weird dreams, bad dreams. Over it. I don’t want to tweet about it or talk about it on Facebook, my dad can be an a-hole. And it isn’t ‘real’ drama for my friends to really take time from their busy lives to console me on it. Sometimes I want to pick my brain apart but it’s been awhile since I’ve stood back and took a good look at my mental state. I joke about it because it’s the only way I know how to cope. But talking helps too. And as my boyfriend pointed out Oreos. Thank you baby💞 I want to slow down time more and be with him longer. I will always be nervous with him, it’s the kid in me. I’m realizing that it’s okay to be myself with him a lot easier now. But there are times where I get quiet and observe. I nod and grin, some people would think that you could grow out of that, I have a lot of bad habits. But I do not consider that one of them. Someday I will be better and the world won’t be an obstacle course of freak outs and bursts of anger. I can honestly say that yesterday was an eye opener. I had a headache and felt like crap. I didn’t feel like curling up with my heart. I shutdown and crashed on his couch. He was a sweetheart about it, I was a jerk and really do need to make it up to him. It feels good to get this out. This year won’t be so bad, I just need to navigate it better. And if I need to be selfish and come out here again I will. I don’t have to say anything I can just wrap around him and never let go. It’s hard to let go, but we make it work. It never feels like I am leaving his side, it’s me having to go back to my life and working hard to get to him again. This is my greatest adventure and well worth the wait. I love this weird man who’s tentacles are buried in my heart and I won’t reject them. Thanks again for reading friends🦑💞🧣