Have you ever wondered how to make the perfect sunny side up egg? One that will garentee the love of your children and ensure your wife has at least second thoughts before she cheats on you with Steve your next door neighbor. God damn it Steve.
Well it looks like you my friend are in luck! For today, I will be going over the basics to a perfect, delicious and decadent sunny side up egg.
Begin with a trip down the stairs to the backyard.
Make sure to be careful not to step on these grain whores. If you would like a proper introduction to all of my chickens, check out some of my previous posts. I go into detail about their satanic tendencies.
Next, find yourself in their cage. Walk slow and careful for they are armed with semiautomatic shotguns (god damn republicans). Carefully, as you reach the nest, begin humming the national anthem to lull them to sleep. Careful now! Reach and take their eggs very slowly...
Don't look back for now they are definitely all chasing you. Run and lock all the doors. "Everything is fine Hilda!" "God damn if you are that worried ask Steve to protect you!" "I'm joking Hilda!" "Not in front of the children Hilda!"
Now that you have the eggs and the semis have stopped firing in the distance place some self loathing (butter) in a pan.
Turn it on to low heat. The fire of about twenty three suns not a thousand.
And crack the baby satans, one at a time, into the pan.
Now watch them fry. Cackle, laugh, repeat. Cackle, laugh, repeat. 
Leave on for around 3 1/2 minutes. Ignore the screams of the chickens as their almost baby's are being cooked. Take them off the heat and don't forget to add salt and pepper. Cause who wouldn't want to distract from the fact that they are eating dead, almost chicken fetuses.
Stab the yoke repeatedly making steady eye contact with your asshole neighbor Steve. "I see you Steve!"
Make sure as you finish to leave the plate out for the chickens to find. You aren't cruel, let them mourn properly.
And yah maybe you forgot to make eggs for your wife and kids. And yah maybe you threw the pan through Steves window. But you still did a pretty great job making eggs.
So if you need any more help making anything at all, let me know and I'll be happy to walk you through it.
A most entertaining way to FIX eggs!
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