"Well I F do that all day, everyday."
If you find yourself on the news chances are you have been shot or should be shot or you embezzled from the people who got shots funeral plan and you are also the South African President. That is a 100% valid news story.
I still found it hard to think of something to post though, since I process a lot of my thoughts into a stable form of loathing I tend to forget what has passed and don't really recall the day or days before all that much. I only know they sucked, and the day before that? It sucked... and before that? Suck it.
I will try to then recount what I do recall and fortunately, it is quite recent because every day sucks surely there is something I can #frant about.
But first an awesome cover photo:
A few things I thought about while playing poker tonight:
Big Blind and everyone folds = Passive Income
Folding = Savings Account with 0% Interest
Getting your card only on the river = High-Risk Investment
Try to lose = Win... Often enough to make it a real thing.
This fucking thing
The only thing I recall are these mugs I finished today. I got the order yesterday in a roundabout way where my boss gets it then reminds me every once in a while "Hey, we must see if we can do this for them."
Then he proceeds to not save the example files or anything in a proper directory and if he did think to get the briefing properly instead of just "We need to make a picture." then I usually will need to get it from the desktop and it will always be best to phone the arsehole who brought the job in so I can ask the right questions.
This one was surprisingly straight forward. He sent the briefing to the watsapp. Which was my first red flag.
- The person contacted him which means they know him which means they think they are special.
As expected it was some shitty thing they saw online and asked if they can have a mug similar to that. The only difference was they used the word "identies" which means exactly like that.
Fuck you!
Was obviously my first thought and I sent back examples of the mug we use which is not identical and said if they want a mug that looks similar it will be a week and still it won't be "Exact." They replied blah blah and I ignored them from there.
Because obviously they still think they special since they spoke to my boss first. Then I designed the stupid shit and waited for them to freak about when it will be done. Once I got that message I sent them the design an hour later and they were happy but neglected to ask when it will be done. So I go ahead with the press but will wait for them to ask. #Frant over.
Remember the cover pic?
I actually walked past posters like these earlier and then was like well last resort I can just post about that. Specifically, I have a few questions that require answering.
- Did they lose their lover because they have a small penis?
The other question or two is more to do with the Lost Lover poster as I feel that is unnecessarily vague. I guess depending on the product vagueness is a good marketing tool. Hence the first one is very specific about what gets enlarged vs the one about the lover.
- Does the newly better-endowed person pay the other person to track down their old lover?
- Once tracked down do they stage a "Your penis is too big for me." moment in the vicinity of the lost lover?
- More dark but valid in Africa: Do they resurrect the lost lover?
**This can obviously go down many avenues concerning body vs personality recovery - Does it not mention old or previous lovers because it is an escort agency?
- Are all people I have not hanky panked yet just a lost future lover?
- Is there a refund period for the service?
- Does the lover know they are about to be found?
**Omg I just realised the legal ramifications - Do I get a lover leash as part of the price?
- Should I move to a new country once they found my lover?
- Can I return my lover or do I just have to lose them again?
Mmmm... think.
Read on Whaleshares
I do use these services on the Regular @mimismartypants and I employ the services of Dr. Nandos the Lemon and Herbalist!
Find lost lover at nearest pub, lost lover realises penis enlargement is fong kong. Go to Dr. Nandos to help with grief.
Hahhaha doctor nandos is an early adoptor of modern tech as well. He is wise to the ways of the world. Che uses him so his lovers can get lost!
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Hahahhaha!! I love these posters!! Best one I saw on my way home from work on the train! Pines enlargement!! Nigga be needing bigger pines!! Badly coz it was plastered all over carriage!! Maybe you actually did the printing 😂😂
Also the unicorn mugs are kinda cute except for gold glitter and i hate doing work from whatsapp! Please rather shoot me in the head!
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Yeah, could just make the glitter black or like the ones in the name I made pink. It is whatevs :)
Lol Maybe he already the large penis but wanted bigger pines to prop it better when the pants slide down... Could be he needs the pines because his current tiny ones get overshadowed and for a sec they think he has a deformity which kills the mood. A third leg is only cool if you actually have one.
Hahahaha prickly pines and penis!! Man that's a killer combination!!
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Or maybe you did the printing, made a typo and he can't spell! Dr nandos the lemon is a great speller! He would have picked up on that!
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Loved this write-up @penderis. Definitely brightened my mood. Awesome posters too lol.
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Yeah, local advertising. I guess it is good for something, maybe not selling but definitely for a laugh.