In Clint Eastwood's last (western) movie, his costar, playing a pig farmer who lives with two children but no wife out in the middle of nowhere, asks him whether he "makes love to his hand". Eastwood's character answers that he doesn't miss women much. Later in the movie, the costar is murdered with his body displayed in a casket in front of the hotel on main street. Eastwood's character avenges his friend.
The message is clear. Masturbate, and disaster will come to you. Refrain from masturbating, and you can be a badass like Eastwood's characters.
:) There is some (alot of) truth to this.