Ah I really liked the conclusion you came to
I find it kinda funny and ironic that it is self discipline and ritual that I need to be more free!
It's like that paradox at the core of the universe. in order to be free, we must have discipline lol! I think for me the distinction is self-discipline and not having it come from outside of myself- that would make me feel undoubtedly un-free... I had a very disciplined upbringing (through sports and christian school, etc) and after, i that threw off a lot of discipline, only to realize what you just stated... that it is needed <3
Yeah I totally agree, I love paradox! I had a pretty diciplined life as a kid too, and I really rebelled against that. Its time to find the happy ground between these two, but with discipline from within! Other people trying to discipline me doesnt work haha