Caregiving Experience Like No Other

I used to find wine unpleasant and overrated. The first time I had tried it, I was a caregiver for an 85 year old man and he wanted to show me the good stuff. We had a lovely dinner and chat about many different things. To compliment our meal, I had poured us a couple of glasses of his rich looking Cabernet upon his insistence.

I hadn't really been interested in drinking any sort of alcohol at that point, it only brought on the very real thought of a hangover and the good old days. This drink was dry, not so much what I had expected, and it caused my face to twist in an awkward manner. I finished my glass so I didn't seem rude while we had light conversation about appointments coming up at the doctor's office and possible fun outings that I could take him to.

I was his live-in caregiver and also a much needed friend for the last few years of his remarkable life. I'll refrain from using his actual name, but we'll call him J. for now. We went on a few adventures and, looking back, I'm grateful for the silly things we got into and tried.

His favorite place to have lunch at was a locally owned Chinese restaurant called Ty's Dynasty. He would always order the dish, Happy Family. It had shrimp, beef, pork, and chicken mixed with a fantastic assortment of veggies. He never strayed from his usual, until I offered him the Mongolian Beef. We must have ended up testing half of the menu in the time that we were in each other's company.

He had told me about his beautiful wife, Jane, and the adventures they had taken, ultimately adding up to their move into Oregon. They built their house out here, though it now belongs to someone else due to J. and Jane's passing. You see, Jane had not been around while I was J.'s caregiver, as she too had passed about seven years prior. She was a religious woman, kind and thoughtful, as I've heard. She'd never miss church and was always willing to lend a helping hand to those that needed it.

Whenever he would get lonely, mostly in thought about his late wife, he'd stand on his balcony outside of his upstairs bedroom and look over the ocean just ten feet from his back door. On occasions such as this, I'd make something out of her cookbooks that were handwritten and inside of one of the cubbies in the kitchen. He was always very grateful for the thought I'd put into the ideas. I was there to be his friend as well as to help care for him and his home.

My duties were many, though I never thought it was too much. J. was a wonderful man and he generally never spoke ill of anyone. He was generous, had a sense of humor like no other, was open-minded, and so much more. And boy, did he enjoy his westerns. Every night, we'd put the TV on RFD TV and check out the programs for the evening. One of his favorites was Mollie B Polka Party. The smile that would light up on his face while people danced and played music was heartwarming. He took pleasure in the simple things life had to offer.

Sometimes, the job was a little trying. J. had dementia and Alzheimer. There were good days and there were bad days. On bad days, he would fall, forget who I was, think I was his daughter (when he never had any biological children to speak of), and would think that his late wife was still around. It was some of the most heartbreaking stuff I'd ever witnessed and I'd never wish anything like this on another human being. The things this man went through on a daily basis... it wasn't fair.

While I was with him, I watched his health decline rapidly. Within that three year span, he had gone from mostly independent to completely bedridden. This man didn't deserve this and there was nothing I, or anyone else for that matter, could do to stop his disease from progressing.

We said our final goodbyes about a year ago, his spirit traveling to his next adventure. I still cry sometimes when I think about him. He taught me a few things though. I will always keep in mind that everyone, no matter their age, has something to share. They have been in situations that you yourself have not. They can share wisdom, love, experiences, and ideas you haven't heard. You can learn a great deal from sitting down with another individual and gain a new perspective on life.

Thank you J. for allowing me the opportunity to become your friend. Our time together will not be forgotten and your story, even if only for a little, will go on.

Your Pal,
Allie