As this is the festive season for most of the UK tomorrow I am expecting my wife's family to arrive to stay for a couple of days. When my wife reminded me today I almost fainted in horror.
Everyone has heard the stereotypical stuff which is often spouted about Mothers in law. Well, I have it worse. Not only do I have a stern and scary Mother in Law, the Father is just as bad, if not worse. As I thought about them coming to stay my mind cast back to the first time I met them.
Some 15 years ago, I was standing outside a restaurant with my wife-to-be waiting for the arrival of her parents, who I had never met. At the time I smoked and was puffing away on a cigarette with quite the nervous energy. As I smoked frantically I had a terrible thought.
You said they both smoke?
Yes. So don't worry. They won't be offended if you do, in fact, they will probably approve of you all the more.
My wife-to-be smiled at me to put my mind at ease. Then her smile became more of a grimace and she nodded over my shoulder.
Hi Mum, Dad.
I stubbed my cigarette out and turned to meet the future parents-in-law. The Father was well over six foot and had a massive beard. His jaw jutted out disapprovingly as if he suspected I had done something sordid with my fingers. The mother was a little smaller but a lot bigger in girth. She had large glasses that made her eyes look like Koi Carp swimming in two giant bowls.
I stuck my hand out to the Father.
I'm Boom. Pleased to meet you!
He glared at my hand. No doubt still imagining those fingers and their antics.
James.
He barked at me.
I wasn't sure if he was telling me his name or accusing me of being a James. I turned my still outstretched hand to my future Mother-in-law and gave her my best smile. She frowned at me and put a small brown cigarette to her lips and inhaled an inhumanly large amount of smoke.
She then blew it out in a great big cloud which enveloped us all. I tensed, was this a trick like those that Ninja used? Was she about to come at me with a throwing star or a dagger?
Did I see you just put out a cigarette?
She hissed indignantly, the way a swan would at a dog
Erm, why yes. Yes you did.
Said I, quite bravely with only a little tremor in my voice.
Bloody filthy habit...
She took another great puff from her cigarette which glowed like a raging forest fire.
It will be the end of you, you know.
Was that a threat? Was she going to kill me for smoking and seeing her daughter? I wondered about this and more as we moved into the restaurant. I was sat across from her Father and beside her Mother. The Mother ignored me. The father stared at me over his beard. His jaw clenching wildly at times as he stared.
Throughout the course of the meal they interrogated me in turns.
Did I drive?
Did I work?
Did I own my own house?
Which newspapers did I read?
It went on and on. I wondered if they realised it was meant to be Good Cop/Bad Cop and not just Bad Cop/Bad Cop. Toward the end of the ordeal, the Father asked me to step outside with him.
I flinched. In Glasgow, stepping outside with someone usually means a bit of a fight. I wondered whether I should strip to the waist and rub butter all over my torso to make me harder to grab.
Outside he lit a cigar. and glowered at me.
She has three brothers and me you know.
I was quite annoyed by the implied threat in his tone. In fact, I had been annoyed by the whole night. I couldn't help myself when I replied.
And now she has a real man!
I grinned then left him standing gritting his teeth and went inside to collect my wife to be.
The relationship has not improved any over the last fifteen years, which means I will have to do that most Scottish of things and drink my way through it. What about you? Have you got good parents-in-law? Or bad ones?
Do you have any real horror stories?
Let us know in the comments!
All pictures sourced from pixabay and in most cases subjected to various manipulations. Apart from my amazing hand-made stick men picture, that's mine!
Authored by: @meesterboom
The title of this post, The In-Laws, reminds me of an adventure that happened to me in 1979, in Halifax, Nova Scotia.
I had been posted in Halifax as a NATO exchange officer by the French Navy. My wife had not arrived yet, so one evening i decided to go to the movies.
Because I was not yet fluent in English, I had chosen to see a James Bond movie: Monnraker.
When I arrived in the theater, the movie had already started and I did not see the title.
After several minutes, I realized that it was NOT a James Bond movie that I was watching: there was no James Bond. The main character was played by Peter Falk.
I decided to stay and watch the movie until the end, even though I did not understand half of the dialogues and most of the plot.
The movie was The In-Laws. 😊
a good storyline, selemat new year may be better next year from the year before
My last post contains a gift, Happy New year everyone!
awesome post
The way @meesterboom takes to his writing style is so unique, free of tension and humor filled with a bit of spice,
It's totally beautiful.
Cheers mate, appreciate the compliment! :O)
Certainly sir 😁😁😁😁😁😁
Yes I would encourage people to adopt his style
Nice post. Keep the good work on. 👍 Follow me @adnanmengal
have nice day, and happy new year with a lot of profit and love
Well, @meesterboom, I used to call mine the out-laws and I wouldn't want to repeat what my husband called my father! First meetings did not go well on either side and relations went down hill over the years. Finally, they passed on and we moved 3000 kms away to start new lives with new identities! Just kidding about the identities, never know if the spirits are listing! lol
You never know what is listening out there!! It is a fraught relationship even now it must be said. We live about 100kms away and it is still fraught :O)
Cheers for stopping by!
This is so funny. Your general take on life is hilarious, and I enjoy all of your posts.
Well done!
Hehe, cheers very much lass!
Haha same here , I can’t wait to get married have my own in laws so I can also know what it feels like
Very good write-up, though I'm not surprised, because you've been a prolific writer. Kudos to you and happy new year in advance with more writing knowledge.
Cheers mate! I do like a prolificness :O)
This is cute! Fear of the in-laws. I am very lucky because I have the kindest and sweetest in-laws.
Happy New Year @adsactly ! :)
In that case you are very very lucky, well done!
Yes, I am lucky to have them! Happy New Year @meesterboom ! :)
I understand you very well.. :)
you could be nervous. when my husbands family come to as for dinner i get nervous because of what if thay will like at the dinner.
A good solution is to upend the table if they dont like it and shout a lot. That will show them ;O)
This is so so hilarious I was waiting for the happy part but soon realized there is non. Sorry man but I guess the cherry on it all is you've got a beautiful and loving wife, nothing Trumps that not even North Korea lol. Stay blessed and stay happy, really nice post man I so so love this. Happy new year!!!!!
Hehe, thanks very much! Sometimes its good when there isnt an obvious happy part eh!
Happy new year to ya!
Yeah you absolutely right, i love your creativity and sarcasm its genuine and so easy to relate with, youve got it man!
Yer a gent for saying, cheers!
What a post to close out the "old year" with! We'll have a drink or two on you to ring in the New Year! :)
Cheers to that!
She so lucky to have you in her life. Happy New Year and Good luck!
Hehe, I tell her that too ;O)
we in Belarus as well as your offensive of the new customs union is considered a traditional holiday and it is customary to meet it very well ..
and we also have the same stereotypes about the wife's mother, which very often they do not like :)
Thank you for this story, which was a long time :) I read with pleasure
I congratulate you on the coming New Year and wish you a very good and happy holiday. And most importantly all the best to you and your family.
I hope that you and your family have a very good new year also!
Life without in-laws wouldn't be as much fun either. Hahaha
Happy New Year :D
When you wrote that you had to go out of the restaurant I automatically thought about fighting too :D I imagined... 6 feet one beard
And i imagined,but in more serious and more impressive more largers...
6 feet one beard like this man⬇
;)
Well, you still had a rather aggressive response in his direction but a pity he did not go over as a Father for the happiness of his daughter.
True story and thank you to sharing
maybe if one day you talk about it together "between real men" ;) lil apologizes
but thank you again I really laughed and well and enjoyed this story which is yours.
Take care
P&U
I could take him. I am sure of it ;O)
He is a pensioner now right enough lol! Cheers for reading!
Haha hey no violence and who knows...
;)
I hope that relations will be better in the future. And again thank you for sharing this moment with us.
Peace & Unity
Looool
I enjoyed the stick figures with hair!
Hehe, I liked drawing them!
haha! Awesome post.
Cheers!
Nice post. Keep the good work on. 👍 Follow me @adnanmengal
hahaha nice to read ur story and really a good interesting and perfect story of ur nervous time which make u story funny for us and horrible only for u,, but after all u was pass it... and know u both happy and god give u more happines and joys in the next year and whole ur life be happy with her always @adsactly ..... happy new year
have a nice .this is a end of day of year in 2017.
happy new year 2017
Nice abstract @adsactly
So informative, nice one, please keep it up. you won my vote
You are still a bad boy, great post unique elegance in writing
Lol so funny story it was. Thanks #adsactly for sharing it
#Happy_New_Year
nice nice
Lord please give me great in-laws.......nice work
Nice post.
@adsactly you nailed it again great content.this is really intresting and horrifying i read each and every line of this post you reveal the story behind this you are such a great writer you arranged word so beautifully which are understandable. I love your work thats why i following you
Happy New Year! ;)
nice post my friend...fun and story very beautiful..carry on my friend...
have the decent day, and cheerful new year with a considerable measure of benefit and love..........................................
Upvoted and resteemed
Great post and good writing.i like your post and upvoted.
Your story is very funny ha ha ha
Thank you! :O)
good post friends .. please unvote have me ya friend
Thanks . I always feel smarter after reading your posts. Please keep sharing your thoughts. interesting post
@adsactly Happy New Year !!!! may your life be full of happiness and success :)
just one word awesome
Amazing post thank you so much for sharing this wonderful post good luck
Happy New Year 2018
nice post thanks for sharing dear god bless you and happy new year 2018 this year is full of love and profit able
what a way to close the year!! nice post. happy new year to all
Hahaha impressive and funny :D Happy new year!
nice! Happy New Year!
Nice horror story
Some in-laws can really be a handful.
Nice story.
I resteam your vote
Now this is real funny and enjoyable to read....is a normal scenario in this part of the world i live in.
Creepy
reminds me of this
It has been like that and the sequels ever since :O)
I was thinking the same thing :) Very nice story.