Background

Our friends Eduardo and Monica have come back to Chiang Mai for a few weeks. The last time they were here the ping pong tournament was not up and certainly not running. We asked them if they fancied playing a tournament with us veterans. He accepted, Monica didn’t (I know, I booed too!) Also a young American gentleman casually walked past us playing and said he fancied murdering us on the ping pong table. We now had enough players….

We asked when would the best time to do this tournament would be. Putting all our schedules into consideration (teachers, travellers, people who don’t like to wake up before noon, etc….) we decided the best day was tomorrow (as in today) So with zero preparation time I tried to organize a tournament fit for the venue it was held in.

Here comes the new challengers!!!!! Cue Street Fighter music...

I anticipated a lot of people to show up, than again maybe I shouldn’t have invited them the night before as most people ‘umm’ed and ‘arr’ed until the tournament was over. Nonetheless we still had four fine competitors show up for the event. Here are the beauties.

1

Name: Lewis

Nickname: The yellow boy (because of my bright yellow Watford shirt)

Representing: England. Or more specifically, Watford

2

Name: Steve

Nickname: Step Hen

Representing; North Korea. More specifically, not the south one…

3

Name: Eduardo

Nickname: Eh-Doo (which I changed to Eh-Don’t because I’m fucking hilarious….)

Representing: Brazil

4

Name: Khatchadour (as in ‘If I throw a door, are you likely to catch a door?’)

Nickname: Catch A Door. Of course! This nickname was tailor made for him…

Representing: Lebanon (I gave him a choice if he wanted to represent Amurrica or Lebanon. There was only going to be one answer….)

The Setup

As we only had four people, I didn’t want to do a group and be done in half an hour, so we did a group to determine seeds. Then depending on how you were seeded was who you would get in the semis (1 VS 4, 2 VS 3), in turn rendering the group stages pointless, other than to mess around and talk about manly things, such as GoPros and the Mega Drive.

Same as before; First to eleven (must win by two clear points) and one set for the group stages to make it quick and to make shocks more likely. Followed by best of three sets in the semis and the final

The winner got the Office box-set seasons 1-4 that Justin left behind, along with full use of the village bike for a month.

The Group Stage

Eduardo Eh-Don’t VS Khatchadour Catch A Door

I started things off against Catch A Door. I got my game-face on and penetrated his backside by winning 11-2. I strutted away like a cockerel who had just had a threesome while Step Hen and Eh-Don’t locked horns, with Eh-Don’t prevailing 11-5.

Up next was Catch A Door and Step Hen. Catch A Door had ordered food at the 5 star restaurant attached to our apartment block so he wanted to get his game out of the way first. Step Hen was riled up by losing to Eh-Don’t, eating a can of spinach and squashing him 11-4.

I then faced Eh-Don’t. Actually, first of all I need to tell you something about Eh-Don’t; This guy seemingly picked up how to play ping pong in less than a day. I mean this guy is immense. I joked with him that because he is Brazilian he would pick it up in seconds because all Brazilians are effortlessly good at ball sports. However the joke was on me. He picked it up, QUICKLY….. He had all the answers to my questions, even the rhetorical ones! after a marathon back and forth he beat me 15-13, to which I sulked like a child and declared that ‘I didn’t like the game anyway!’

There was a game going on in the picture below, but due to my awesome camera skills both the players are out of shot...

After that Eh-Don’t stepped up to face Catch A Door. Catch A Door’s food still hadn’t come (If you ask me, that restaurant should lose a star or two….) so he played first again Eh-Don’t, brimming with confidence, dispatched his counterpart 11-6. Then me and Step Hen played. Things got serious very quickly. Spin serves, fast serves, volleys, you name it, we were attempting and failing it. Step Hen apparently made more mistakes than me and by default I won 11-7.

Final Table

Name                              PD    PTS

Eh-Dont (BRA)______________________+13_____6

Yellow Boy (WAT)___________________+11_____4

Step Hen (PRK)______________________-3_____2

Catch A Door (LIB)__________________-21_____0

FIVE MINUTE DISCO BREAK!!!!!!

And disco break we did! There are no pictures of the disco break because it didn’t actually happen but here’s a picture of a cute baby to help the situation:

Semi Finals

This pitted a rematch of the last two games. I faced off with Step Hen, who for some reason had lost interest at this point. I didn’t care because I’m way too competitive and buried him before he had a chance to wake up from his slumber. Catch A Door fancied pulling a New York Giants style upset against the Patriots. He pushed Eh-Don’t to the limit. Unfortunately Eh Don’t is double jointed and this didn’t bother him too much, eventually seeing the game out in straight sets.

(WAT) Yellow Boy 11-6 11-4 Step Hen (PRK)

(BRA) Eh Don’t 12-10 11-5 Catch A Door (LIB)

3rd Place playoff

This was a dangerously tense game. Catch A Door won the first set (although no-one was keeping track, so we made up the score for the first set!) and Step Hen won the second. Then the pressure of a big game tournament got to Catch A Door, as Step Hen’s experience kicked in he ran away with the third set.

(PRK) Step Hen 9-11 11-9 11-5 Catch A Door (LIB)

La Grand Finale

Yellow Boy and Eh-Don’t made it to the final. Watford versus Brazil, like it should be in the World Cup Final! We sung our respective national anthems (Actually, I made one up for Brazil and hummed ‘Snooker Loopy’ for the Watford anthem) and got ready for battle. The first set was simply poetry. Women were ovulating within a two mile radius such was the intensity and beauty of this match. Despite winning our first battle in the group stages, Eh-Don’t was not as dominant as he was in the group match (although he had won 15-13, this in no way represented how the match went, he owned me from start to finish) and I snuck the first set.

Maybe he was worried that his girlfriend didn’t know that the village bike was an actual bike as opposed to a lady in need of some antibiotics, because he didn’t go for it as much as I was expecting. I ended up winning in straight sets, which to be honest I wasn’t happy with because the way Eh-Don’t had played he didn’t deserve to go out in straight sets.

(WAT) Yellow Boy 11-7 11-7 Eh-Don’t (BRA)

Aftermath

So I won. I wasn’t the best player out there but a win’s a win and I’ll take it! Unfortunately this does mean I’m lumbered with the village bike, along with The Office box-set seasons 1-4 that I had donated/gotten rid of. The next tournament will be Songkran. Be there or be….Damn, I can’t remember how the saying goes. Be there, or…..Don’t. That’ll do!