Torn between love and learning...

How is it to be torn between love and learning?

For the things, I both equally love, how can you possibly choose between the two if it coincides with one timespan?...

Over the years, I've been planning my career to study my masters in Urban Planning in a country. I've been saving up for my studies to pursue this dream but when that opportunity came for me to be granted, I didn't happen...

The only university I applied for to take up Urban Design was unsuccessful. After planning for 7 years for this dream crushed me. Was am I wrong to apply for only one university? Was my savings not enough to sustain my study period here? Is it a sign to take up Urban Planning instead? They mentioned I have considerable good qualifications, but what went wrong? Ceaseless questions run my mind again after being laid-off unexpectedly. Again, another painful event led to the other that trampled me piece by piece...

How to start all over again?... No other choice but I need to recover again!...

After being accepted by another company again, my life again, ravaged me day by day. I felt that I'm in my "auto-pilot" mode again which is the worst thing that I imaged to happen. I haven't recovered from all these pain, how to escape from all of these if time won't allow me? When every little hurt started to heal, I fall... and it resulted in a grave mistake. It's wrong to cover up all these pain with another mistake. I hated myself that we have these weaknesses we can't get over with easily, but I hated the most that sorry can't change everything...

December of 2017, my Boyfriend proposed to me in a place he called "a circle of unending love"... I sense that I'm still a mess back then when he proposed to me, will "YES" going to restart and recover everything from all this pain? Will I be at peace to postponing this dream for a "yes" will change everything? I know in my deep-seated self that I'm not ready yet. I want to feel my "whole-self" again before everything else...

He understands for who you are. He supports you in every way possible, even how big or small this endeavor is that you're willing to undertake. He is willing to even sacrifice distance for the sake of you. He manages to even create until to the smallest detail plan in order for your dream to become a reality. It's not about the words "I love you" that will secure this big word "LOVE", it's all about these ACTIONS!- The real "BIG" deal for love.

NO doubts can still be possible with him, because he loves you this so...

Sorry that my heart doesn't work like that, to be able to choose between love and learning...

But, with all of this, he still manages to stay... I hope he stays... I don't know for how long and how far he can manage to stay...

But I just want to be REAL with you. Again, no biggest SORRY can change everything... But beyond everything, BIGGEST Thank you, I've met you!

**Now, is it selfish to choose "a dream" before anything else? - No! As for my case, I don't have to choose! **

This post is for my support to @funditian's Contest of the Month. If you wish to participate, here are the rules that you need to know:

Use two tags on the Steemit post consisting "fundition" and "oneheart"
Resteem this post so the others can see
Write down a short description about the photo in the post
Comment your post to know that you participated
Only one entry per person
The image has to contain the "Fundition.io" text written on a paper, wall or whatever is handy for you and depends on your creativity you have a chance to get a bigger upvote. (Keep in mind we don't approve/support illegalities like writing with graffiti on public buildings or other things like that. Stay Creative and Clean)
Add in your entry post the Participation rules and a link to the original contest post from Fundition

Submit your entries now and enjoy!

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funditian (58) 6 years ago

This post was upvoted by @Fundition because you @schoolofthoughts took part in our Heart Contest.

Thank you for spreading Hearts all over. Remember be the change you wish to see in the world ❤️

#oneheart tag shows who are the ones spreading the hearts all over, lets see more hearts around and spread the love with Fundition - Contest lasts until end of August.

_{Join a community with heart based giving at its core}