Stepping Its Game Up: American Carnage Announces Plans To Become A "360 Multiplatform Vertically Integrated Global Media Brand"

in #funny7 years ago (edited)

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Coming on the heels of a very successful week on Steemit, American Carnage, the social media platform's most successful comedy blog has announced plans to transition to a "360, Multi-Platform, Vertically Integrated, Global Media Brand". The brash comedy writer behind American Carnage has earned a reputation on the site for hard-driving satire as well as for hard partying.

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After securing a $70 million cash investment from Rupert Murdoch through "sheer bluster," Tony Belletier has moved the headquaters of American Carnage from his windowless basement apartment to a luxury loft in Williamsburg and has hired an additional 200 employees to bring American Carnage to the corporate boardroom without losing the "bad boy" image that made them the go-to news source for hip millennials.

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According to Belletier "we have no ethical constraints or compunction whatsoever. It's actually kind of funny how little I pay my employees. I see nothing wrong with paying them 20k a year and sending them to the most dangerous places on Earth. Journalism is a tough business and if you can't keep up with the big boys then get the fuck out."

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While critics have dismissed American Carnage as a "frat house" and have accused the company of maintaining a hostile work environment, perhaps its the brash, devil-may-care attitude that made the brand what it is. Since its inception, reporters from the blog have brought news readers explosive scoops from the world's deadliest hotspots. Who can forget groundbreaking articles like "I did shrooms with ISIS" "I did shrooms with Boko Haram" and "I did shrooms with Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula"?

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Arriving at an exclusive party in the Hamptons via helicopter, Belletier seems to be adjusting to his new role as media mogul quite easily.

"We are currently in talks with Disney's Bob Iger to sell the company for $4 billion. Don't ask me how on Earth the company is worth that much. He wants us to produce a daily news show, which to be frank, I could give zero fucks about. We are just gonna' sell the company and be rich, rich, richer than the dreams of avarice".

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Before we left Mr. Belletier, the brash young (and handome) entrepreneur listed by Forbes in it's 30 under 30 issue beckoned his staff. "I would like to propose a toast: to American Carnage! We all know this whole thing is a scam. Now, I have here a crisp one dollar bill for the young reporter who can debase himself before us in the most humiliating fashion".

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Later that night we asked the first person we saw on the street what they thought about the blog. "I hate American Carnage. Those guys are douchebags" he said.

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Definitely you should consider your own branded television show to air poorly shot handheld docs about doing drugs with poor people.

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