Hello everyone! My name is Archie the Border Terrier, and I am sick of all this success and writing and health claptrap that my dad (@davidtweats) has been publishing here. So I decided that I would take over and show him how it's done. Now, my dad's okay most of the time, and at times says some good things, but he is as mad as a hatter. As I write this, my dad is bound and gagged, and under my control. I might let him loose later if he promises me a treat.
You might ask how I am managing to type this? It was quite difficult - my paws are a bit big, and I was hitting about five keys at once. Then I tried using my nose, but that stupid dad of mine objected to the smeary wetness on the keyboard. So what I've done is left my dad with one finger free so that he can type this from my dictation. If he fails to type what I want, I shake myself and cover him with hair. If he is stubborn, I fart, and he definitely doesn't like my ripe ones.
Anyroadup, I wanted to take this opportunity to introduce myself, and let you know about the doggy wisdom you can expect to receive from me over the coming weeks and months. By the time I've finished with you, you will believe that I am the greatest dog who ever lived, and you will want to shower me with praise, upvotes and steem, which I will of course use in a wise (and enjoyable) way.
You will discover that here are hidden depths in a dog's intelligence. It isn't all about bones and food, and peeing on my dad's leg. It is about the contemplation of life from a doggy perspective. When you grasp this it will change your life beyond all recognition, enriching you and filling you with an inestimable joy.
Of course, I will eventually let my dad loose, and allow him to continue to write his usual garbage, but once a week or so, I will take over and shower you with my pearls of wisdom.
I will look forward to that, and so will you.
Until next time...
A dog's sense of smell is reduced by up to 40 percent when he's overheated and panting.
I could say that I wish mine was too!
Just to say that I am now free, and protest in the strongest terms at being referred to as "mad as a hatter." I think it is appalling how these canines elbow their way in, cover you in hair, pee on your leg, fart in your face, eat you out of house and home, and then expect you to give them treats. I say that there should be a law against it...... What was that noise......that smell....why is my leg suddenly wet......?