Who's hearing IQ points dropping?
-- Sometimes, I'm concerned I may be legitimately stupid. Ya' know?
So, I decided to do this thing... ๐ค
The Agent ๐ turned 14, just last week.
In my "infinite wisdom", I decided to take her and a couple of her friends to The Mall. Yes, heretofore, The Mall will be in caps....for reasons that shall be revealed here, just keep on reading... ๐
A HOT Saturday morning. ๐
We're running around, trying to make ourselves presentable for this excursion out into the concrete jungle.
My daughter's cat, Silver, ๐ผ has decided: This will be the perfect opportunity to, through all the commotion, turn into a nervous eater. He's meowing incessantly for one or both of us to feed him. Again!
Unbeknownst to me, she gives him a scoop, as we continue to prepare to leave.
I mistakenly give him another, as we exit the house. ๐ก
We enter The Mall at a balmy 147 degrees Fahrenheit, just a quick 1/4 mile jaunt from the lot to the entry door. Good thing the Dasani kiosk is situated exactly inside the entryway.
After having purchased $9 dollars worth of fraudulently labeled municipal water, The real Scoop on Dasani...approximately 20 feet through The Mall entrance, I'm intrigued by a curious kiosk I see further DOWN the hallway.
Cash...?
...For old electronics you say?
Just insert your eligible device, swipe your identification card, and get cash on the spot? I have a lot of useless old smartphones sitting around. Interesting. I'll look into it when I get home.
Moving on...
I see a jewelry store, and I wanna' look at diamonds. ๐ท
I think they're pretty, though I'd never wear one.
My daughter ๐ง๐ผ though has to loudly announce that she doesn't :
"eeeeven want to go and look, because I know what they do to kids to get those diamonds!"
Well, she's right, so even though we're now a meager 100 feet into The Mall, she's taking charge.
Fine. It's her day.
Besides, I'm going to enjoy spying tagging along, and finding out what she's into. And what she and her friends talk about.
Just about 20 feet further still is the PRETZEL stand.
I was so excited to nosh on a famous soft pretzel from...
I actually used cell phone data to text a friend halfway around the world ๐ to share my enthusiasm. He claimed to never have heard of such a thing. (I may have typed "soft bretzel". )
I felt suddenly sad. I wanted to buy a dozen, and ship them over to him.
(Source: avparty.com) 
(I'll be making a post on how to prepare these in your own home, very soon!!)
The girls are now headed into Best Buy to look at... drones!
We're into drones now? Well, they are good for Spyflying...! ๐
(Source dpreview.com)
Well, she explains she saw something cool online, and was wanting to see it in action. Of course Best Buy doesn't have it, but listening to her explain it, I kinda' think I want one too. Have you ever heard of the AirSelfie?
It's a drone camera, for taking selfies. You heard me. No more selfie stick! It flies! Up to over 60 feet! You can now take group photos!! And it's a super sleek design!
You can find out more about it here.
http://www.airselfiecamera.com
So, we walk out of Best Buy, and head toward one of the larger department stores, where I was greeted by a sea of poly/spandex, in cuts and colors that spoke to my inner Jillian Michaels. I would later find out this is called "athleisure wear". And this whole lot is on sale!
I'd have taken a picture, but I went into a trance. It was only the harsh shriek of my daughter that snapped me out of my happy place.
"MOM?!! They're playing One Direction, and we're leaving!"
"MOM!! I'm not kidding!!"
"MAAWWWMMM!!! I can feel my brain losing IQ points!!"
Fine. My first inclination at her balking was to start an impromptu flash mob dance scene ๐ in the storefront. But this is her birthday trip...not mine.
Besides, no one wants to stand around waiting for their friend's mom to finish trying on "athleisure wear" on clearance at JcPenney.
Especially when she thinks she looks like this...
(Source: shape.com)
But...she really looks like this.
(Source: tumblr.com)
So, I put away all the killer $5 dollar clearance deals I'm holding, and carry on.
(...all I know is, if we'd have entered The Mall where I wanted to, I'd have a bagful of new "athleisure wear", instead of a belly full of soft pretzel...)
One does not equal the other though.
That $4 dollar, 500 calorie pretzel was worth it.
Then...we venture into....
Spencer's Gifts
There was once upon a time, when I pondered, "Why do they sell guns at Wal-Mart, but not vibrators?"
Well?
Spencer's gifts has you covered.
(I actually was admonished for taking this pic, by an employee. "No photography allowed." But purchase is a-ok. hmmm... investigating..)
After realizing I was staring directly at The Great Wall of Sex, with a handful of Girl Scouts, I panicked a little, and hurried them out of there, in what must have been a more embarrassing scene, than one they'd have made on their own.
I think I nervously said something about a city ordinance, and reporting the store for letting the items remain on display! Oh yes, *by golly, I was gonna' report them!
(Right after I sneak this purchase. Ok? Ok.)
Otherwise, this was pretty much me, all day long. Meandering into stores playing Duran Duran, peddling reprinted Misfits t-shirts.
I seriously thought I was having a flashback. ๐ธ
OOO--- we we're soooo f'n edgy back then!! ๐คฃ
Anyway, it was like a time warp.
The pretzel stand. The overpriced EVERYTHING.
Basically an indoor carnival.
And The Mall isn't my thing. I capitalize it, because it embodies the ridiculous fickle nature of "a fool and her money are soon parted."
Everything is overpriced, and high-pressure sales techniques is the rule of law at The Mall.
In the end, the agent wound up purchasing 2 t-shirts, a canvas Sonic The Hedgehog wallet, some Vocaloid dogtags, a ride on a VR simulator, and some candy. For the bargain price of $90 dollars.
I'm more of a "value shopper" kinda' gal.
I think next weekend, I'll take her to a thrift store, and show her how "shopping" is really done! ๐
All said, it was really worth it, to spend time, watching her assert her character so confidently. To watch her having so much fun. To watch her...growing up.
I proudly drove the girls back home, and was surprised when upon entering back in our house, my daughter turns to me and says:
"Thank you, Mom..for today. Thank you for not treating me like...a kid."
"Did I embarrass you?"
"Well, yeah a little. But that's ok. I'm more mature than to let it bother me."
"Well thank you sweetheart."
"You're welcome."
As my mature, growing-up-too-fast daughter starts down the hallway to her bedroom, I breathe a sigh of relief:
"Everything is going to be okay. She's going to turn into a mature adult after all. Totally sufficient! Completely capable! Hallellujah!!
About 15 seconds into my "Mother's Mental Victory Dance", I hear the familiar faint whine of a little girl's voice.
It's my daughter:
"Mom??? Can you come clean Silver's vomit out of my bedroom floor?"
Seems someone isn't quite grown up yet.
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please consider upvoting and resteeming. Follow me for sporadic antics!
~Jane ๐ธ
nice post
Thank you!
This post got a
14.66% upvote thanks to @globocop - Hail Eris !If it makes you feel any better, in Germany -- the veritable home country of pretzels -- "bretzel" is definitely how you're supposed to spell it.
Well then, he was teasing me, because he's German. LOL.
click here!This post received a 2.2% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @globocop! For more information,
Thanks! I appreciate the support!!
@globocop got you a $2.02 @minnowbooster upgoat, nice! (Image: pixabay.com)
Want a boost? Click here to read more!
That is just sooo funny Jane - never a dull day in your house, ehj? ๐ธ
I enjoyed that one!
I'm glad you enjoyed it!! Indeed, there never is a dull moment. At present, there's a wasp loose in the house somewhere.... Thanks for the support! I appreciate it!
Genesis 1:26-28
26 Then God said, oโLet us make man8 in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.โ
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
rmale and female he created them.
28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, sโBe fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.โ
This post has received a 2.04 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @globocop.
That's the best thing I've read all day!
One upvote is just not enough ;-)
Thanks!! I was worried how it would be received, so as soon as I posted it I went to
hidebraise ribs in the kitchen. I'm happy to know you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and upvoting!!