Douchebag Genie Is Back, But On Steem. And As Will Smith.

in #funny6 years ago (edited)

You've been granted one wish by the new and improved Douchebag Genie (played by me, Will Smith). I take advantage of people's poor wording when making wishes to screw them over. What do you wish for?


Damn I look good in blue n' bling.

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I wish for infinite genies.

You get infinite douchebag genies.

They're freed douchebag genies and will just mess with you for the rest of time rather than grant any wishes.

That saves my next wish, more friends!

You get many new friends. All your new friends secretly hate you and are using you.

If they are using me for my body, I'm cool with it.

I wish that I had invented this page before you did and also that all my crypto comedy skits go viral. (sits back and waits for wish to get rekt,)

You invented this page before I did. You spent $100 on promotion, it gets flagged to 0 for spam.

All your crypto comedy skits catch the Ebola virus.

hahahahha NICE!!

I wish more people on steemit realized that short, funny, engaging content that actually causes people to look at the post, comment and enjoy themselves has tremendous value.

oh yeah, he about to rekt you with this wish hahaha

Can you please keep the wishes realistic in the future.

Steem learns how to be a social network. You made thousands of Facebook, Twitter and Reddit employees loose their jobs.

Thank you!

Waiting for the douche-baggery...

Oh them losing their jobs was it?

Don't worry, steemit can hire them.

If not...

Hmm, looks like I didn't fuck you over enough...
Steems trending page now only consists of short, funny, engaging content. And topless selfies of the @douchebag-genie. All the devs are fed up and decide to become EOS developers instead.
Your stake is now worth $0.02.

Yep. That is plenty fucked over.

Also quite possible.

I wish people knew how not possible this was :)

Dude! You are going to jinx it!

But it is good to know that the devs are all super into topless genie pics. I will start googling now.

I wish for a 1 million SP delegation for life!!! YAAAAS! That's what I wish for!

I will give you a lifetime steem power delegation exactly one minute before you pass away.

You better deliver, because you know that day will come! And you know I will do at least one self upvote with it! You know it!

Steem might even be worthless by then.

I wish nothing negative could come out of this wish.

Posted using Partiko Android

Nothing positive came out of this wish. You used your only wish.

It's so meme worthy, however that may have been the initial idea.

I wish for more wishes. 😎

You get more wishes, but you have to make a wish every day.

Every wish you make will fuck you over put your life in danger.

I wish for you to be free!

I become free, but you get trapped in the lamp. I'll come visit you from time to time buddy.

Thanks, you could have cleaned up a little before you left tho! and why does the sink back-up constantly, and jeez the closet smells so bad when you approach, I can't bring myself to look inside, maybe next time you visit you could take a look

Sorry about that mate, I left 2014's unsealed Christmas home-brew in the closet, my nose doesn't work. I reckon you could still drink it and have yourself a whale of a time.

As for the sink, just wash your hands in the toilet bowl like a normal person.

I wish you would upvote my posts from now to all posts in the future

I like all your posts forever but you will stop posting tomorrow due to terminal diarrhoea.

I wish to be a Dolphin.

Posted using Partiko Android

You become a dolphin and get addicted to pufferfish.

That is hot.

Posted using Partiko Android

Like Seriously?!

I am dead serious. Welcome to Steem. Make an #introduceyourself post with phone Apps I'm using her-> Partiko DApp

Posted using Partiko Android

Always aim low. That’s what I say.

Posted using Partiko iOS

Can't aim too low under the sea. It's too dark down there.

Posted using Partiko Android

I wish I had erectile dysfunction.

You now have erectile dysfunction.

The worlds supply of viagra was destroyed along with the only factory in a freak explosion.

I wish to become a whale lol

Congratulations! You become a north atlantic right whale. There are only 500 left in existence because they're so easy to hunt. Good luck finding a mate.

I wish that I want to be a whale and distribute rewards to articles written by Japanese people.

Posted using Partiko iOS

You distribute dried fecies to Japanese journalists as rewards.

I wish you would visit r/themonkeyspaw

Posted using Partiko Android

Granted. All monkeys - including humans - now have paws instead of hands.

A monkeys paw visits my face.

I wish I could make really good dtube videos

You can now make really good dtube videos. No one appreciates them. They're all flagged to 0.

I wish I would use my time to be more productive.

Granted. You have less time, and the stuff you produce is all worthless.

I wish that you, @douchebag-genie, send @mazzle 1,000,000 STEEM immediately.

Posted using Partiko iOS

I sent you 1,000,000 STEEM on a private testnet.

hahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

I had to upvote this shit, thats hilarious lol

I wish to be the most stubborn man on earth

You are now the most stubborn man on earth. Your new weakness is that you are extremely ticklish to the point where you'll crap yourself, people use this to win in arguments against you.

Very funny

I wish forever young ^^

Posted using Partiko iOS

You will be between the ages of 0-3 forever! Careful not to swallow any small parts.

I wish I had endless money lol who wouldn’t love that it’s simple and lame I know lol

Posted using Partiko iOS

You receive the worlds entire gold supply!

You're crushed by 187,200 metric tons of gold.

Oh no ouch my leg and my shoes ouch

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spt-sale-2-day.jpg

I wish I could speak 10 languages

You can now speak 10 languages!

They are:

  • Jargon
  • Corporate language
  • Klingon
  • Welsh
  • Navajo
  • !Kung
  • Cornish
  • Breton
  • Old High German
  • Hungarian

I wish my mother ,father and my sister live long with no pain ...they get every thinks what they wish for ....

Your mother, father and sister live forever, all their friends and family will be gone and they're stuck in a world where they know any friends they make will eventually die. They will all be driven crazy. All of their wishes will be granted by me, the Douchebag Genie.

You live a short time with a lot of pain.

I wish I could drive the karma bus for a whole day.

You must keep the bus above 50kph at all times, otherwise it will detonate.

I wish I could meet your makeup artist. Flawless

I don't have one. You become my unpaid makeup artist for the rest of time.

Deepest honor genie...but I may not do a good job as you have done. Perhaps that will be another wish

I wish for good luck on everyone :D

Everyone gets good luck, but everyone's bad luck goes to you.

You contract syphilis from a public restroom.

I wish to live in Tokyo but without having to work there lol

You become a homeless beggar in Tokyo.

I wish for an All Hell Breaks Loose ruleset on Steem Monsters which has a description something along the lines of “use any damn card you have.”

You can use any card you have.

You only have one card:
C3TZR1g81UNaPs7vzNXHueW5ZM76DSHWEY7onmfLxcK2iNpvxKnFsTLD9GyZBG3hmYLac2CFUNQhPKEABfcQ7ZV1nz1Xe1ZqhpSaaBX4DfNL7C4XpmbK3c2.png

I wish my family health, my country prosperity and world peace.

Everyone except your countrymen and family have died.

Your country becomes the only human civilization left on earth and becomes very prosperous.

Your family become cannibals but live a healthy life due to all the corpses lying around.

I wish Princess Jasmine will love me instead of that useless Aladdin!or the stupid tiger

Princess jasmine becomes utterly, head over heels obsessed with you and starts turning all your friends against you so that you can spend more time with her.

Aladdin and the tiger get jealous and start plotting against you.

totally fine....they both stupid anywayz

I wish you a good day.

Posted using Partiko Android

I have a good day because I know you'll step on a stray lego later tonight.

Nope, I threw out all legos along with the kids.

You should've sold them instead of throwing them out, they fetch quite a price these days! I'm not sure about the lego though.

Damn, I haven't tought of this. Do you think I can make some money if I dig then up?

There must be someone out there who'll pay good money for them.

Congratulations @douchebag-genie! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

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You made your First Vote
You got a First Vote
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wooow received_787825051577944.gif nice post,,,

jajajajjajajajaja

Congratulations @douchebag-genie!
Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade in the following category:

  • Pending payout - Ranked 4 with $ 106,84

si se combirtieran en rialidad todos los deseos que tengo en mente viviriamos en un planeta mejor es esperazal esto del genio y con ese actor de lujo te apoyo y sigue asi

Deseo que ya pueda conocer esta pagina definitivamente para saber como manejarla y aprovecharla

Haha nice :D

Posted using Partiko Android

If any here playing dota, Genie looks like ogre magi.

Congratulations @douchebag-genie! You received a personal award!

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Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!

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I wish I knew what the fuck this is all about.

Fun game on Reddit. Make a Wish, the genie answer your Wish the worst way possible.

Not sure If this is the original Guy though...

Your wish comes true as @phgnomo answers your question, but in the process, everyone looses a little bit of respect for you because you wasted your wish. Also, you now have piles.