there are more appropriate ways to treat a head injury than wanking someone off

in #funny7 years ago

Many people in the world still believe the best way to treat a head injury is by jerking off the victim as seen in the video below:

one comment:

When you get knocked out, huge amounts of blood flow to your brain and can cause hyperemia. The best way to make sure that it doesn't happen, is redirect the flow to other body parts, such as a male penis. It's a shame really that they're so much advanced than us in terms of first aid to fighters, and we don't do it in MMA and boxing just because of "social norms"

First and foremost, I would be concerned about working for a company that touched any part of a patient without proper protective equipment. In the video it is clear that the first responder touches the patient's penis with his bare hand. This seems like a ludicrous risk to the first responder, and if this is actually in their standing protocols for head injuries... they're theoretically doing this every time someone receives a head injury? You don't get a do-over with Hepatitis catching some disease.

Even with gloves, what the actual fuck? We don't even do mouth to mouth anymore because of infection concerns! I am not touching someone's dick.

Second, my first priority for a head or neck injury would be to protect the head/spine (aka c-spine immobilization). The video seems to show a the first responders throwing their patient's body and head around. They are clearly not adequately protecting his spine. Feel free to google all the "oops he died/can't use his legs" examples when first responders forgot to protect c-spine. Shit, you have to buy insurance as a first responder because you'll get sued over "neck pain" if anyone catches wind you forgot to protect your patient's c-spine. (My point being that c-spine is a big freaking deal, not that you shouldn't get sued if you paralyze or kill someone.)

Ok, so sitting the guy up sorta makes sense. If you are concerned about swelling in the head, you wanna elevate... but I would still be more concerned about c-spine and the risk of death/paralization. We were taught that slightly elevating the upper body/head is sufficient. Considering that you still want to protect c-spine and a generally prone patient is easier to work on (if you had to re-open their airway, for example)... I would say that "slightly elevating" should be good enough. All you really need to do is get whatever you want to drain (e.g. the head) above the rest of the body/heart.
It goes the other way too... If someone is in shock (not enough blood to brain) you can elevate their legs or arms to get blood back to the core body/brain.

I was taught that you always start with your ABCs.

A - Airway, first check to see if your patient's airway is blocked. Nothing else matters if no air can get into their lungs. Even perfect CPR fails if the airway is blocked or broken. If there's a blockage, try to clear the airway (which can be complicated... so don't just stick your fingers in people's mouths).

B - Breathing, now check if they are breathing. If they aren't, begin respiration for them. Today, we DO NOT use mouth to mouth except on close friends or family... and even then, using a mask of some kind is simply more effective.

C - Circulation, is the heart beating? Is the person bleeding? Start compressions, stop the bleeding...

Who the hell thought it was a good idea to pour water over the airway of your unconscious patient!? Airway is literally the first thing you fix!
I assume the goal is the drop the temperature of the person's head to reduce swelling? Why not an icepack under the armpits or inside of the legs (as opposed to the neck, which you are trying to protect)?

Lastly, I think it would be reasonable to be concerned about the consent issue of having first responders professionally wanking someone off who was unconscious and unable to give consent. I get that the norm could be that wanking someone off is akin to CPR and a reasonable medical procedure (aside from the reasons above), but that simply doesn't jive with my other expectations of a modern society.

I mean, when stimulated, female genitalia becomes engorged just like male genitalia, and I am not going to be the medical director that signs off on that life saving can of snakes (the snakes are lawyers suing you for everything you own, btw). (Which isn't to say female patients are more litigious, I don't know any stats on that. But maybe a small commentary about a cultural double standard on the net whereby EMS wanking a guy off without consent seems to illicit less strong emotions, i.e. this comment thread, than I would expect if the sex of the patient had been reversed.) (Not that the jokes aren't funny... just that, if we are talking seriously... then it's clearly a consent issue.)

That said I cannot recommend treating a head injury by plopping down on all fours and proceeding to wank the patients fat dick, nor sucking it especially while waterboarding that person. This is without entertaining the possibility of a patient feigning injury or a passed out status longer than need be in order to "finish".

Do you have any expertise comments or questions? Feel free to share below!

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Wow, I actually had no idea this was a thing. Was there a happy ending?