E-Mail Adventures with Mr. John Walker, Scammer Extraordinaire (Part I)

On March 14, 2018, I received an e-mail from a Mr. John Walker, claiming that if I could simply pay an administration fee of $185, I might soon be the recipient of several million dollars. As somebody who knows just enough math to reason that $185 << $3 million, I knew I'd struck the lottery and wrote back immediately.

The conversation that unfolded over the next six weeks was a stunning journey through time, space, clowns, and volcanoes. Here's how it all began...

(March 15, 2018: An absurdist beginning)

Dear Mr. Walker,

I am interested in your proposal from your e-mail this morning. I do not have much to offer at the moment, as I am barely getting by as an aquatic basket-weaver with some side work as an equine paralegal, but I can probably scrape together $200. Will this be enough to proceed?

Yours truly,
Victor Ballone

(March 26, 2018: The delayed yet earnest response)

My dear Mr. Victor,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your well noted response
signifying your profound interest for me to use my official position
to get your outstanding fund transferred into your bank account as
soon as possible. I must also appreciate you to reward me handsomely
with 20% of your total sum(US$3.5 Million) after finalizing the fund
transfer into your bank account.

Honestly, there is administration fee of about $185 only that must be
settle by the beneficiary. The administration fee is to be send to the
Federal Ministry of Finance Attorney that shall endorse the approval.
I would have take care of it myself without consulting you, but I
don't suppose to come out openly to avoid suspicious look that there
is a Nigerian hand behind, and it might jeopardize the entire deal,
whereby the payment shall be cancel.

This is to be pay before the approval, then the process of transfer
shall commence immediately you re-confirm to me your banking
information where you want the fund to be transfer.

Finally, you can reach me on my cell number +234-90-67912355 anytime (24hrs).

Hope to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

Mr. John Walker.

(March 29, 2018: The first technical question)

Dear Mr. Walker,

Thank you for the information. I would be happy to pay the administration fee, please let me know how to do that.

But I have just one question before we proceed -- how can I tell if my hands would appear Nigerian to the Federal Ministry of Finance? Are they good at detecting Nigerian hands?

Victor