I decided to attend SteemFest 2. You're welcome.

lordvader (69)in #funny • 7 years ago

Greetings loyal followers.

Headed to Steemfest² on Thursday November 9th!

Last Wednesday (November 1st), I received a transmission from my son, Lord Vader Jr. (at least that is what I would have named him if my former teacher hadn't stolen him from me. What a disloyal loser.)

It said, "Let’s take Steem across the finish line next weekend! Galactic Empire: get out and attend SteemFest² for Ned & entire Steemit platform. #steemfest #LIS"

Because this seemed like the perfect opportunity to meet the wisest members of this platform who have shown their loyalty to me and the Galactic Empire, I asked Vera (who should be the guest of honor at Vera-fest every year) to book me a shuttle to your primitive planet.

Even on vacation, I travel with a large contingent of Imperial forces (at the expense of the Empire of course). These bucket heads were supposed to take the shuttle with me.

No blasters? No problem. It's not like they ever hit anything with them.

Of course they missed the flight. These losers miss everything!

So I headed to your galaxy by myself.

Because we are operating on a non-linear timeline (and Vera is the bees knees) these morons were waiting for me at one of your space ports.

Hey idiots! You're facing the wrong way... again. I'm behind you!

After finally getting their attention, we entered the baggage claim area.

These dopes just stood there and watched my luggage pass by about 80 freaking times. I Force choked the lot of them, sent Vera some steem for the choke jar, and headed toward my temporary dwelling.

At this point in the non-linear timeline, things looked quite promising.

The temporary dwelling in Lisbon called The Red Jedi was impressive, most impressive.

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After some time in the refresher I began to make my way to The Lisbon Secret Spot at The Montes Claros. Along the way, I decided to gather some intelligence on one of your major metropolitan areas.

I saw some excellent shrines dedicated to me including this one:

Everywhere I look, I see that stupid droid! It seems like it has been following me around since I was a child. It's almost as if it is one of the only details holding nine other things together. Annoying.

Then I saw this completely unrealistic likeness of my puke-inducing boss...

Seriously? That old bag of turds, The Emperor, hasn't looked that good since... ever!

After seeing that, I decided to gather intelligence on your primitive power supply.

This place is called Museu da Eletricidade. I believe this translates to "Building designed to hide human's shame over the fact that they still rely on electricity like simpletons."

After entering the structure, my assumptions were confirmed: Kashyyyk & Naboo are doing great but Earth, which was already suffering from broken infrastructure & massive debt, is in deep trouble. I did not see a single Kyber crystal. How the hell do you idiots power anything?

Speaking of Naboo... after gathering this intelligence, I saw this body of water and began to wonder exactly how many bodies it would take to fill it.

"Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo."

Seeing this body of water reminded me that I wanted to gather some information from one of your inhabitants known as @surfermarly.

I decided that she was most likely preparing for her presentation at the celebration and decided to proceed to SteemFest².

When I arrived at The Montes Claros, the crooked and disgraceful losers working at the check-in desk claimed that they had no idea what SteemFest² was.

Don't act so surprised, Your Highness. There aren't any other conventions at this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this location by Steemit members. I want to know what happened to SteemFest²!

They adamantly opposed me and stated that there was no event at this location. I Force choked them all and proceeded to search for the gathering on my own.

Here is what I found...