Greetings.
I promised that I would report back on the progress of the Empire's newest officer trainee and I always keep my word... unless I give it to that chauvinistic jerk Lando Calrissian. I alter my deals with that dirt bag all the time. And why shouldn't I? He's constantly "altering deals" with all the ladies he attempts to seduce. I'm pretty sure that he even tried to hit on my assistant Vera (who is simply too good for anyone) last time I brought her to his cheesy-looking mining facility. He's lucky I need someone with a banquet hall or he would be toast.
But so far, I have kept my word to the inhabitants of your galaxy. So here is a very brief update on BB-8foot.
How sad is it that this new guy has been here for one day
and he's already the best officer I have?
A few hours into training, I decided that we were wasting the talents of this creature with the absolutely perfect neck.
Clearly this guy's talents lie in the espionage and intelligence arena. First of all, just look at that neck! Not only is it delightfully choke-able, it's so freaking long he can see over everyone. He can definitely pick up some intel based on his raised line of sight alone. But even that would be a waste. We have already inserted him right into the heart of those scumbag rebels' organization.
Check this out...
Look how he just blends right in. Talent like this
can't be taught. You have to be hatched with it.
All he has to do is carry those dimwits around and listen to everything they say. When they go to whine or be all smoldering, witty and sexy, BB-8foot can simply contact us. This is going to be awesome. We will get to hear all about their stupid plans as well as that truly disgusting love triangle they have going on.
The only problem is that I kind of like BB-8foot. I really don't want him to die... by anyone's hand but mine. Maybe I should have warned him about what those scumbags did to the last animal that was nice enough to give them a ride.
Artist's rendering. The real image is far too disgusting and
I can't keep puking in this helmet. My regular one is still at the cleaners.
These maniacs disembowel innocent animals... and people call them heroes? I have done a lot of bad things in my life (like killing my wife and my best friend/teacher) but I have never even dreamed of slicing open a living animal, ripping out some of its guts and shoving a living human being inside of it. How is any of that ok?
It's simply vile.
Hopefully BB-8foot will provide me with the intel I need to crush these disgusting, animal-mutilating rebels once and for all.
I'm sorry but that's some funny shit right there, upvoted & followed~!
No need to apologize. You are 100% correct.
Those rebels aren't anywhere near as nice as they pretend to be!
I hear one of them also shoots Womp rats just for fun.
Disgusting!
Love the new guy!
Great work in the Human Resources Dept.... or Bird Resources anyways...
Looks about right!
Ironically, all these Big Bird posts start to show up RIGHT after the American Thanksgiving...... I don't know anyone that has seen that bird since the festivities.......... hmmmmmmm.....
Well. You have not seen him since I defeathered him for thanks giving lol. Tastes really good by the way.
His ability to escape the fate of so many others of his kind solidifies my opinion of him even more.
He looks like a great spy. I don't think he will be able to fly away if he needed to. Just hope BB-8foot is smart enough to not give away his mission.
He just needs to be better than these pieces of garbage that blow up after 1 hit...
Epic Post Lord Vader!
Unfortunately, I must confess that my nephew asked for a bb8 droid for Xmas... I am puzzled. Amazon is making a pretty good offer :(
I loved you in Revenge of the Sith!
Keep going...
LOL!