Greetings loyal followers.
Despite the remarkably valiant efforts of my executive assistant Vera, who deserves to have several holidays honoring her, to block any incoming transmissions that might infuriate me, one has made it through.
At the very least I should get a cool card. But no. I will get the same thing I get every Father's Day... nothing.
Apparently, on your planet, tomorrow is a really stupid holiday known as "Father's Day'. What a dumb-ass holiday. You people should feel even more foolish than usual for celebrating something so idiotic.
One of your inhabitants named @platonicsironic sent me the following transmission.
Hmmm. Am I going to be doing anything fun on a day to honor fathers?
No you dipwad!
I am not going to be doing anything fun on a day set aside for fathers.
In fact, aside from the fact that the day is named after me (go ahead look up "Vater" on your prized google translate. Yeah I know there is a different letter but just say the word over and over again. I'm sure you will get it.) I freaking hate this day!
Do you know how much I hate it? If I had to choose between getting rid of Father's Day or the Emperor... I would actually need to think about it. And you all know how much I hat that old bag of puss.
Why do I hate Father's Day so much.
Hmm I don't know...
Maybe because I don't even have one!
Why don't you ask me if I'm going to do something special for "Legs Day"... I don't have those either jackass!
That's right, for the first only only time in the history of any universe ever, my mother become the one and only person ever to become pregnant via a miracle.
Wait Vera was telling me there is one more.
But back to @platonicsironic 's question.
If that wasn't reason enough, I'm not exactly expecting a card or a neck tie from my jerkstore kids. Thinking they were dead and having them stolen then hidden from me isn't exactly something I want to "celebrate". That alone would probably be enough to turn me off to wanting to remember I'm a father. Thanks for reminding me!
Oh but wait. There's more!
After years of searching for my children (and I mean really searching. I looked basically nowhere for them. Who would have guessed my son would be on my home planet living under my last name. So tricky!) I finally found my son.
I couldn't wait to meet the little scamp. I even tested the carbon freezing chamber to make sure my little boy would be safe and sound as I transported him to the Emperor to be faced with the choice of joining the wrinkly old scum bucket or death. Now if that isn't fatherly love, I don't know what is.
When I finally met him, did he run to me and give me a hug? Did he whine about how terrible his life had been without me? Did he calmly and quietly enter the freezing chamber? No. He tried to kill me.
He even fantasizes about killing me when he enters magical trees. He could have experienced anything and he imagines killing me. Great. Happy freaking Father's day!
I could chalk that up to him not knowing I was his father, but he should have known right away. He's a Force user (weak as he is). He should have been able to feel it. But fine. Let's pretend he didn't.
So I flat out told him.
Did he come around then and give me a great big hug (with his one good arm)?
No.
This could have been a super beautiful father-son moment. Hurray your dad is alive! But no! That whiny little farm boy had to ruin it!
He screamed like a little baby whose puppy I just ran over with my speeder (I know this sound well because I do it like all the freaking time).
So when I finally introduced myself to my son, he reacted like I took away his power converters and threw them down an endless shaft.
And you want to know if I'll be doing anything fun for Father's Day.
Actually I will be Force choking at least one person.
Place throat here.
Force choking is fun.
Me day
Frankenstein has no father
Father of Mine
Magic Tree House
Congratulations! It's a boy.
Father's Day Fun
Upvoted and followed very entertaining post indeed!
Of course it is.
Well, I hope @luke-skywalker does something really cliché for father's day. Like gives you a card and invites you on a fishing trip :P
Also tbh wondering why my user icon looks like the generic one for when you don't have an icon. Cuz I've kinda had one for a while.
Actually, I tried to do something nice for Father's Day, but like always @lordvader is ungrateful!
Thanks for reminding me, I need to call my Dad tomorrow.
I have tears rolling down my cheeks. @lordvader please stop the choke hold now
I will. But only because I chose to. Not because you asked.
This post received a 29% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @thecryptofiend! For more information, click here!
I was unable to obtain a fish for your whale. But I am working on it.
Are you as awesome as I am?
Still... Happy Vaders day!
I see what you did there. You are very clever.
You get this
Hahaha nice!
Smh really? 😂😂😂
Yes Powerman. Really.
-If Vader worked at Fogo De Chao
is alright lordvader...this day only happen once a year.... :)
Thank you for understanding.
always....coz the force was with us....hehehehe
This is the funniest thing I have read all day. You have a great sense of humor and just picked up a new follower. You also make a good point about Father's day, lol. Great post, man. Thank you!
You are welcome. I too think it is hilarious that this day is celebrated on your planet.
You think that is funny, we also celebrate Groundhog's Day. lol
My father is God.
Just kidding.
God took my father from me.
No he didn't.
But seriously I never met my father.
You are dark. I like that.
Perhaps you could find new ways to motivate people to disregard Father's Day?
My old ways still work.
But it could be fun to find some new ones.
HAHAHA!
Actually I'm not celebrating father's day either
Is there something wrong with his codpiece?
Nothing better than a laughter before Father's Day !
I agree. I enjoyed laughing at your planet's inhabitants.
What if I bring over some whiskey or something? We could try patching things up for old-times sake? Maybe take turns torturing and killing womp rats with my t16 back home?
Heheh.
-- Luke "Skywalker" Stokes.
That's sick. I love womp rats. They are so cute!
haha, amazing post.
Brightened up my day a bit.
Clone humor. I enjoy clone humor. I hate clones though.
You have earned my follow sir.
Keep it up!
I will.
Oh! I thought you were your own father!
It is confusing. The documentarian George Lucas failed to explain it.
laughing out loud, this father's day is so freaky, maybe its just too overated
Very over rated.
You killed your adoptive dad yourself so please dont start about your son. You're not much better yourself.
Interesting. Who do you believe is my adopted dad?
There can only be one kenobi
Ahhh that tool. He was supposed to be my friend and teacher. He kidnapped my children, cut off my legs and left me in a volcano to die. And I'm the bad guy?
As I recall it correctly you where supposed to destroy the dark side, not join them. But nooooo, your lust for power consumed you too much. You even tried to kill the one you loved. Obi-Wan truely loved you like a father or mentor so you will, whereas your boss only needed you for your exceptional powers. You should force choke yourself once so you wake up, maybe you'll see where you went wrong before its too late...
@lordvader I think @cem needs some re programming.
Ah, the whole family has daddy issues...
why this hate ?
It fuels my power.
I'll just be happy if the wife pretends the kids are taking me out for dinner. It's all my money anyway, so guess who wants sushi!
Excellent!
Yes I am.
Sorry ya have such awful children, but if you'd like you're welcome to drop by my place for a cookout. Just don't force choke anyone.
Why do you speak of father's day with so much disdane in ur tone of voice
Because I am Lord Vader!
Hmmmm i might not understand where u are coming from but anything that is making u this angry abt father's day i pray u get over it
I guess you're not a star wars fan
My father is old MiG 29K.. :( I'd rather not know who is he...
I believe those packed a lot of firepower... by this primitive planet's standards.
Haven't seen my dad in almost two years. He moved to California, I moved to Florida, and the rest of our family is in Illinois. Should I call him? I probably will, but I'm hesitant...
You should call him. I wish my son would call me.
You have amused me my friend. Cool article)) @lordvader
Of course I did.
😂
Great stuff
Yes I am.
While ovations are highly over-rated, I am certain son Luke would be willing to "give you a hand" . . . . . . *Oop. Rest E-Z / enjoy your day @lordvader good sir
Is see what you did there.
Tip the waiter!
Haha! I was not feeling well but had a good laugh after reading this. Thank u
I have lost my father four years back. I wish i could hear him one last time.
By the way Happy Father's Day! :D
Upvoted n resteemed!
Following u, would love to be followed back :))
I am sorry for your loss and am pleased that you enjoyed laughing at your planet's inhabitants.
BAHAHAHAHA xD
Yes. The idea of me celebrating such an asinine day is amusing.
Too amusing, it's killing me >_<
father~~~~~~
Doubtful.
hahahaha hilarious. what a great read. Really enjoyed it @lordvader .
Oh course you did.
@lordvader, I was under the impression that the midichlorians were, collectively, your father. Is this not correct? If it is, you could send them all a card or something.
I would need to send 27,700. That isn't happening.
Love starwars 🖤🖤🖤, had to follow ya 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Those documentaries of the inevitable destruction of the scumbag rebels at the hands of the Empire are very good. I have not finished them yet. Don't tel me how they end.
Your mission and goal is life is to domination the world, for that I will be your servant Until you can find someone better to replace me, I will reach the galaxy of the steemit world to spread your evil... for that I thank you lord Vader 😂🖤
The real Vader would love Fathers Day.
I assure you, I do not.
I died....right here...THIS LINE WAS GOLD "Why don't you ask me if I'm going to do something special for "Legs Day"... I don't have those either jackass!" hahaha
I mean...nothing gets better then calling the emperor a "Bag of Puss"
But the Legs one had me rolling, this was the post that made my day:) Thank You
You are very welcome. You have an excellent eye for greatness.
great sense of humor
Don't you mean "evil" article?
I always thought of "an" as a truly evil article.
what did your daughter say
"Make him stop kissing me!"
Epic my Lord!
Yes. Yes I am.
What if your father is the Emperor?! I mean all that time he is around Padmé and he doesn't try to make one move on her? She looks exactly like that goddess Natalie Portman for Christ's sakes!
That might be a result of the Emperor being the stupidest being alive.
Happy Vader's day! Thanks to you a whole load of other dad's won't get a card as you killed all those younglings :(
Yes. I cannot seem to remember why I did that. Sometimes my memory fails me and I rely on the documentaries created by George Lucas to remind me. But for some reason he never explained exactly why, that all of a sudden, I went from a loving husband expecting twins to killing a room full of younglings.
@lordvader I wanted your jacket badly so, I did this instead:
Can't afford it but my imagination can!
That is a very cool jacket. Everyone should have one... or 12.
I know! I want to buy it but can't so settled for a drawing instead. Haha! Cheers @lordvader
To my favorite "villain" Father. I hope you have a fun Father's Day! I just opened my Steemit account, and found you. I am a huge Star Wars fan! Your posts are hilarious! I look forward to reading more!
I am sure you are. You should be a huge fan. I am awesome!
Cheer up mate. I never met my dad. I feel it's a day where if you have a dad in your life celebrate him if he's worth it and if not, no big deal.
Interesting to read this post ... thanks @lordvader
You are welcome.
Thanks...
hey daddy hahaha
Perhaps you will join me on the dark side!
@lordvader I thought we had a pretty good day! It's like dancing the Rodian shuffle, always 2 steps forward, 8 steps back with you.
Congratulations @lordvader
You took 23 place in my Top 100 of posts