Im a huge redneck who lives in the Appalachian Mountains. I consider muhself a man of God even though its money and material possessions like muh truck, muh guns, and muh Harley that mean the most to me. I act like I love nature and being in the woods but really Im corporate as hell and make all muh purchases from big businesses. I love going to places like Walmart and Lowe's.
-Muh truck! Muh chariot (image from pintrest)!
I vote for conservative politicians even though Im by no means rich because poor people need to be kept in check. I love Jesus but he could have done a better job of holding poor people accountable instead of just handing out food and wine to everyone (including the ones who didnt deserve it). Government handouts need to go to big corporations, not those shiftless folks in perpetual poverty. Those people need to work harder and pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
I love big coal companies for all they have done for the region in which I live. The way they steal and rape the land and poison the drinking water just makes me fuzzy inside. After all, big coal has provided dangerous jobs that got people paid and kept the lights on for the rest of us. Those coal companies are almost too good to us really. Don Blankenship deserves to be senator of West Virginia after a remarkable career. So what if a few people had to die, he really raised value for shareholders and brought a great deal of profit to some outside investors. Its to bad those snowflake college kids cant understand this harsh reality.
And its so wonderful to have a Christian man of the people in the White House by the name of Donald Trump. He loves us poorly educated folks so much (he even said it). He will make America great again by pushing us to take any job we can get instead of sucking off the government tit. After all, our tax dollars need to be spent on defense so we can bomb more brown people halfway around the world who do not share our values and our way of life.
Now I cant wait to go to church this Sunday and pray for the victims in the latest mass shooting. If we just get enough thoughts and prayers out there, this will end real soon. I just know it will.