🔴 ADULT JOKES - to brighten your Stressful Days ....

in #funny • 8 years ago

🔴A judge asked a woman why she wanted a divorce.
She answer=ed, "Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian and yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth."

🔴Woman: " Doc, an ant entered my vagina, can you please take it out ?".
Doctor removes her panties and starts making love.
Woman: " What are you doing? "

Doctor: "This is the only way to drown the bastard!"

🔴Q : What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Answer: Your SALARY.
It comes once a month, lasts 3 - 4 days & if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!

🔴 A lady visited her doctor again.

The Dr. said : You look more sick & exhausted than before. Are you having 3 meals a day as I advised?

Lady : WHAT? I thought you said 3 MALES a day !!!!

🔴 Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty.
GOD Said

" No way ; Now As It Is, The Penis is so ugly & U still Suck It.

If I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up !!

🔴A nun went for a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she was pregnant, she cried and said,

" Shit, we can't even trust cucumber anymore! "

🔴A boy pulled down his pants in front of a girl & asked, " Do yo have this? "

The girl lifted up her skirt & said, " My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT! "

🔴Schoolgirl : " I do not want to take SEX EDUCATION."

Class Teacher: " Why not?"
Schoolgirl :

" Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!. "

🔴Mother asks daughter how married life.
Daughter shyly says it is like BRITISH AIRWAYS.
Mother reads the advertisement & is shocked.
It says

" 7 DAYS A WEEK, TWICE A DAY, BOTH WAYS! "

🔴What is the STRONGEST muscle?

TONGUE - It can raise a woman's hip with
just one lick!.

The lightest muscle ?
PENIS ! It can be raised
by a woman's tongue !

🔴Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist,

" Name? "

" Park Yu. "

0fficer become angry & shouted back,

" FUCK YOU! Now what's your full name? "

Korean replied,
" PARK YU TOO !! "

🔴Man to wife : Business is bad. If you learn how to cook, we can remove our servant.

Wife : ASSHOLE! If you learn how to fuck,
we can remove our driver, gardener & watchman..

🔴COCK says to his two Balls : I am going to take you with me to a party.

BALLS said : You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us hanging Outside !

🔴A baby dog asked mama dog how papa looks like .
Mama dog replies,

" How do I know? Your papa came from behind
& I didn't even have a chance to see his face! "