Today we investigate Alaska, a frigid shithole of a state where even Amazon Prime dare not go...it's basically Canada. Anyways, Alaska has more problems than just not getting Amazon Prime, being surrounded by Canadians, and moose gangs, a low male to female ratio...in fact men outnumber women in some areas of Alaska 2:1!
That should beg the question how much does a man gotta pay for some good ol' fashioned trim in Alaska???
First off, the population or Alaska is roughly 737,000, of those 737,000 people 52% of them are men. Now, initially that may not seem like a bad deal, but you have to keep in mind of the 48% of Canada's dingleberry, Alaska, are women with larger than normal forearms and a good supply of facial foliage. The colder the the climate, the hairier the woman, that's just good deductive reasoning. In other words 48% of those women have an extremely high "BUSH-to-PUSH" ratio. Now if you don't know what that is its simple...how hard must a man push to overcome a memory foam-like mattress of ice-pubes (see what I did there?). Now before we can calculate our Alaskan bush to push ratio we must adjust for probably one of the biggest problems for men in a frosty nightmare like Alaska ...shrinkage (I swear the Alaskan capital is called Shrinkrage or something like that). that gives us a bush-to-push ratio of 70's porn...not good.
So now that we have our b2p ratio we have one more calculation to make: Alaskan hooker's black Friday.. the winter solstice. During the winter solstice some areas in Alaska have 18+ or more hours of complete darkness. Barrow, Alaska, even has 67 days in a row of of complete darkness. Now only a few types of people can capitalize on that amount of darkness, vampires, creeps, and of course our dear hardworking ladies of the night.
Now that we've considered all these factors in the most scientific of fashions, let's answer our original question. Just how much for some ice box in Alaska?
Cheap enough to satisfy an ice road trucker but expensive enough to pay Sarah Palin's mortage...........$12.99/month...or is that how much Amazon Prime costs...
source: CNN
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