Haha, I think they will say, "Even though we don't replace the items which have fallen and then malfunctioned, but in your case; we would like to make an exception. Your heartfelt, dramatic and yet funny email made us change our mind. We are shipping you a brand new JBL Charge 3. Please accept it as a gift from our side. And please stop shaking while handling your husbands!!!!".
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They actually did reply! You were close to what they said! Kind of... mmm not really haha here's what they said I like yours better! ;)
Hahaha @siddartha that would be brilliant! I'm not expecting a new one, but I am hoping there is a mysterious way to fix the broken husband so our relationship can continue ;) I hope a human reads it so I have a chance <3