Old people are the best aren't we. I might be heavily biased, but I'm always right. It comes from living back in the good old days I expect. You won't remember them because you're young and therefore inferior in every way. As I was inferior to the old people back in my youth. Which was a long time ago, back when tens of thousands of babies died of measles every year. Happy days for all those concerned. Breaking our hips climbing out of a bath is one of our main strengths I think. That and being virulently racist, sexist, homophobic and lactose intolerant. You could call a gay whatever you wanted in the good old days. You could call anyone whatever you wanted back then. Hate speech and political correctness hadn't been invented. Although I believe it was on the drawing board awaiting sufficient government funding. You could be a cunt to anyone you wanted back then. If you wanted to grab a woman's ass, it was open season. Women expected to get sexually assaulted on a regular basis. Beating your wife was compulsory. A man needs to exercise his right to impose his will on those who are smaller and weaker than him. Too much salt in the beef stew? Backhand the bitch then pour the boiling stew over her face, before ordering her to make you something decent. If she set foot outside the front door and looked at a man, it was grounds for divorce or even murder in some cases. If she vexed you then you could beat her to death with the nearest blunt object. Look at what we've lost to progress.
(The copyright to this image is the property of HowStuffWorks.)
Chemical toilets are wonderful aren't they, but what is that blue stuff and why does it taste so awful? Turns out it's usually formaldehyde. Used in the preservation of tissue samples and dead bodies. So theoretically you could embalm your dear old granny on the cheap using one of these. She wouldn't even have to be deceased, as long as you held her under long enough. In addition she'd be dyed a very nice shade of pale blue. That's definitely going to cheer up all those people during the open casket viewing. Save even more money by using the chemical toilet as a coffin. There's plenty of space inside, so you could have a double funeral and stuff other elderly relatives in one. Funerals are always such solemn occasions, for some inexplicable reason. Now everyone can have a good laugh.
What I can't understand though is why anyone would want to preserve turds. It's not natural is it. Turds are meant to be biodegradable. It says so in their user manual, right after the section that instructs you on how to use one to daub death threats on your neighbors bedroom walls. Doesn't have to be a neighbor. You can use excrement on any wall. It doesn't say anything about punctuation though. Making me think they should revise the turd manual. Maybe someone could come up with a spell checking app.
Sorry I've just distracted myself with an errant thought. America Ferrera popped into my head. Surely I'm not the only man who thinks she's really hot. I know she's way out of my league, but so is a squashed pig. I think this lady is incredibly sexy, and attractive. I'm not really into those women who are so beautiful you know they couldn't possibly be a human being. They look more like one of those Japanese sex dolls. You know completely artificial. No way I want my dick anywhere near one of those. You never know when the rotating blades are going to emerge.
Of course back in the good old days we didn't have women who looked like some futuristic dystopian fantasy. We didn't have the technology to make them look that inhuman. Muffs were a lot hairier back then to. You could get lost in some of them.