At the risk of overfilling your "Choke Jar" I have decided to divulge your true identity.
After weighing all of the available evidence, I have come to the inevitable conclusion that under your helmet you are none other than Chuck Norris.
Wearing 6" lifts in your Imperial Go-To-Meeting boots to try and mask your identity has not fooled me.
If this were true. And you were to look at this
It would literally punch you in the face!
Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch.
No, seriously, OUCH!