the sea calls
a beached sailor pines
for freedom
I am pretty sure that this is my first haiku.
This is fun. Thanks.
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the sea calls
a beached sailor pines
for freedom
I am pretty sure that this is my first haiku.
This is fun. Thanks.
Well, I love this haiku. I won't analyze it, just go with the feelings.... and amazingly, the narrative....it so efficiently evokes.
Write more :)
Welcome to Mizu no Oto!
The two parts separated by the kireji complement each other perfectly
Thanks.
May I ask if rhyming words are to be avoided with haikus?
Marco here with my personal account (I'm the same guy who runs Mizu no Oto for Bananafish ;) )
Yes, rhymes are generally to be avoided with haikus, but allitteration is somewhat allowed, if it sounds spontaneous
Thanks. I kinda had that feeling.
Welcome! It's a great haiku. It has movement, longing, great structure, and we hear what the sailor hears, see what they see, want what they want. Nice, very nice for #1.