A step towards greater self-honesty: realizing you still have a lot to learn. I see this in myself nearly every day, thank goodness I'm not the kind to think I'm infallible or that I know everything, far from it!
Would it suffice to say that there are a few days that I feel dumber than a ton of bricks, even after years of being told I'm an intelligent girl academically, making good grades, et cetera?
At this point in time, I'm realizing grades really don't count for much, especially considering after receiving a Bachelor's degree I still am not guaranteed a life of luxury or even a minimum wage paying "job." I am, however, guaranteed to a ton of student loan debt. I often think I may have made the wrong decision with continuing my higher education through a university. It's an unsavory thought when I consider just how long I'd be working to pay off that accumulated debt and if I could go back in time I would tell my younger self to focus more on learning a trade, improving my writing skills, instead. Learning what I truly have a passion for and making a career of it instead of following along with what I was told is the route to "success."
At the end of the day, I realize that I know next to nothing even after years of studying and listening, I have only uncovered a superficial amount of "knowledge." Discovering this about myself has been an eye opener and has helped me to find what is more important to me, my greatest values . Those values include honesty, being healthy emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically and friendships, instead of superficial materialism.
There are times when I feel less inspired, do not want to put in the effort to write, and then I realize that postponing the process only leaves me feeling despondent and the vicious cycle continues.
In order for a change to come within our selves, I think the first step is to analyze our behavior patterns and to ask ourselves are we consistent in our actions? Do we live up to what we say we stand for and our principles?
In my journey towards a deeper emotional and spiritual healing, I have learned that there are moments when I do not especially feel up to facing my inner demons when I would rather resort back to taking the easy way out and avoid facing my issues. I'm sure if we were to sit down with others and be truthful, we'd find that they also have encountered those bumps in the road.
Someone recently told me the best step to take in writing is to just get started. This can also apply to getting real with oneself. If you find yourself putting off working on yourself, procrastinating on taking the necessary time for writing down your thoughts, meditating or anything you're utilizing in your spiritual empowerment toolbox, block off some time just for you.
A good point to remember is that no one can do the work for us, no matter how much they love us and want us to become stronger and better, healthier individuals. We can listen to all the self help audios, read all the books available but until we make the necessary steps, we will not heal.
For me, facing my shadow side, learning how to become more mindful, embracing self acceptance and being more compassionate towards myself as well as others, I learn I value transparency. I value being in the moment and I breathe easier. It seems as if a weight is lifted from me and I am able to release pent up emotions of grief, shame, and guilt.
I become more aware of how I communicate with others, and I find value in showing gratitude for the small things that I once took for granted.
I realize that I do not need to meet every argument I am invited to and that I fear failure and deficiency less.
It is okay if I make mistakes and I do not need to hold on to the fear of making mistakes. I am enough as I am now, in this moment.
My self talk should reflect this instead of berating myself by not "measuring up" to my peers. I think many people compare themselves, their status, and material wealth with their neighbors but don't openly address these thoughts. Becoming aware of the moments I begin thinking in this manner, I decide to take a step back and realize that I am being unkind to myself. I am depriving myself of my right to be happy, to live a life of joy without acknowledging my own successes in life.
The fact that I am being forthcoming on working with my shadow self is a win in itself. It's been a long journey over several years dealing with PTSD and it will take many more years to heal as this is a process. Healing doesn't happen overnight but in slow increments, moments of discovery and revelation.
I end this post with a quote I found on an inspiring blog recently: "We ought to strive to be the best possible versions of ourselves—not only for our own selves, but for the benefit and contribution we can offer to others. Work hard to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Commit to growing a little bit each day. And learn to celebrate the little advancements you are making without comparing them to others."
Images: Google
Yes, it is the same for me when I think about the amount of time I lost fulfilling the desire of my family to be "academically" good for an office job, a steady income, pension etc. etc. etc...but you know what? The fact that I failed that due to obvious lack of motivation and the knowledge that something wasn't right in this world has led me to where I am now, at least not completely zombified, that is.
Not that the internal work is over, infact far from it, probably has yet to actually begin...that's the most difficult fight, hands down (probably more difficult than trying to wake people up, which is saying something...)
I remember receiving the accolades for "good grades" when I was younger, and how people were impressed with the fact that I graduated with high honors years ago. However, I didn't achieve that for myself, I spent that time living up to someone else's idea of what I should do as you mentioned.
I would rather live a life that is authentic, doing what I love and feel passionate about, I have always loved to write and proclaimed to my mother in my youth that I wanted to become a writer, only to be met with "Writers don't make good money." I honestly don't think money is the be-all-and-end-all. Sure, we need it in order to live but it is a tool, not everything.
Steemit gives me the ability to write and have other people read my writing and reward me if they desire. It helps me to know that someone appreciated my sincere thoughts and keeps me motivated to write more. Right now, I don't have another platform that offers me the same.
I agree the internal work is truly the beginning in unravelling all of the lies we've been taught since early childhood. As we heal, we're better able to have more fulfilling relationships with others and actually enjoy the act of living instead of going through the motions. It's certainly a process but it is worth it to ourselves.
Unfortunately true, until it remains the world religion...
Yes, Steemit is a great platform, it takes some building up, but I think it's worth it anyway. You're right, no other platforms allow you what this one does.
I'm thankful for Steemit. I hope that one day other people will see the value in it and the community will grow exponentially rather spending so much time on platforms that truly aren't benefiting them but rather playing a role in surveillance and the police state.
Great post. Knowing that you know nothing is the first step to wisdom. Every door you open, there will be another world. Even stranger and more difficult to understand than the last one.
There is no healing, without pain.
There is no learning, without failure.
Good luck with your journey.
Six months later, I can honestly say that I have made some significant progress. The experiences haven't been easy ones, but I didn't expect them to be and I'm not surprised in the challenges I've been faced with since I wrote this blog. I have triumphed over a few things that I at first didn't think I was capable of overcoming. Through it all, I remain humble yet thankful.
Excellent. Recently I've noticed the process more clearly. One can hear these ideas and sentiments over and over, and they develop in significance as the path is walked. At least that's what I notice lately about myself. So it was good timing that I found your post
Thank you for your comment, although it's been six months since I posted this blog. I hope you found solutions in your own personal journey.
@nexusvortex777 you were flagged by a worthless gang of trolls, so, I gave you an upvote to counteract it! Enjoy!!
Thank you, I honestly appreciate you looking out for me while I was away from Steemit.
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