And I don’t mean this in a I’m-so-weird-and-Tumblr kind of way.
No, I’m talking about being different to the point it seems physically impossible for you to blend with the status quo; as if you were created in a different planet in the first place and there is no place for you to fit in here.
Real talk: growing up being the odd one out is exactly like the movies. Your classmates are mostly douchebags; they call you names, point fingers and make fun of the fact you aren’t like them. In my case, I was taller than the average with a body that resembled the one of a 20-year-old woman, instead of a 14-year-old girl. I had no friends, and I listened to punk rock while everyone was listening to whatever artist was sounding on the radio at that moment.
I was trapped in an endless cycle of being misunderstood and being unable to understand why this was happening to me. My brain was unable to process how these aspects of my personality could function as an invitation to dismiss and ridicule me. I remember crying myself to sleep a lot, tormented with thoughts as I desperately tried to analyze why would anyone do such a thing; and why on Earth was I this f*cking weird.
There were times when I didn't want to be that anti-social, depressive, artsy, emo-dressing kid anymore so that people would stop pointing fingers at me. Just avoid the things that made me the odd one out and for once, belong. But whenever I tried to do it, a part of me couldn’t.
And I guess somewhere deep down I knew that neither of those kids was leading a perfect life either. No one really is. Normalcy isn’t some kind of safe bet for a life free of self-esteem issues and depressive episodes. People are struggling with the same stuff as you are.
Emma Watson
Wanting to belong to a group of people so that society could put me into their "this is ok" shelf was stupid, but the fact that they make me doubt so much of myself to the point I wished I wasn't me anymore, that's actually pretty f*cked up.
Unsolicited advice for anyone feeling like an outcast?
Embrace the stares.
Don’t waste time reading articles that will tell you all about how to stop being the odd one out. They will teach you how to blend, how to smile and nod, and how to lock yourself in the bathroom so you can Google what everyone is talking about.
They won’t tell you to accept yourself as you are. They won’t mention you are enough as you are and that there is nothing wrong with you. I mean it, not a single thing. Embrace who you are, the good, the bad and everything that makes you, you.
This sounds really rough. I was bullied for the scars on my face and my general un-kemptness, but mostly I blended in physically and had friends who loved each others' unique brands of personality-weirdness. Great advice in the end!
I'm so sorry I am replying this four days ago! I completely suck at responding comments because I always miss them 😂
That's so cool! I'm so happy you had a different experience than mine, although, I feel like it wasn't all that bad either. I like to think that everything that happened to me while growing up definitely helped me to put things in perspective later in my life and to love myself even more because of it. And honestly, I don't think I would change a thing now!
Thank you so much for commenting
Haha, no worries - it happens to everyone! Thanks for your lovely response in the end.
Well I understand how you felt, cause I was in such a situation (but in my case I want fat)