Simple Secrets to Happiness #1: You Can’t Do It All (PLUS a giveaway)

[allforthegood]

I’m reading the book, Happy You, Happy Family. It’s so good, I thought I would share my thoughts about it over the next couple of weeks. I'm going to highlight 10 practical ways you can be happier. This journey of discovery is as much for my benefit as it is for my followers.

And, following the last post, the first one who can tell me what the 10 secrets are to happiness will get 10 Steem Dollars!

Why you’re not happy

This first secret is about the right level of expectations. I think most of the Steemians out here are of an aspiring sort and aren’t in danger of having too low expectations for themselves. So, I will speak to the other end of imbalance, too high expectations.

Author and neuroscientist Robb Rutledge says, “Happiness depends not on how well things are going but whether things are going better or worse than expected.”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/201408/the-secret-happiness-and-compassion-low-expectations

We all are carrying around with us a heavy load of expectations, but to realistically meet them all, we’d need 48 hours in a day, everything to be working perfectly, everybody to be on time and a good helping of grace.

The problem is with all these expectations swirling around in your head, you can’t help but feel a hum of stress in the background. And every time you remember something else you SHOULD BE DOING, your stress increases, and the weight upon your shoulders multiples.

What inevitably happens is you lose patience and AREN’T HAPPY with yourself or anyone around you. What you are getting done just isn’t enough and no one is cooperating to let you reach your insanely high expectations.

After this, you might stop yourself and say, “Hey, this is not the kind of person I want to be.” You apologize to those around you and maybe drink a cup of Mellow Moments tea. But, in the background there’s that LOW HUM OF STRESS building up again.

Get off the Stress Cycle

Ready for the big secret? Say this out loud:

It’s funny, but when I say that out loud, I find I do have a little bit of emotional release. In fact, on one stressful day when I said it, I seriously got a little misty-eyed. We’re not going to stay here long though.

Let’s move on to what to do.

1. Make a master list of to-dos and should-dos. Whatever pops into your head right it down.
   
2. Take your TOO LONG list and find ONE THING you can take off your list.
3. Do it again.
4. Pick out 3 Most Important TASKS (not projects) that must happen today. Make your MITs your list for the day.

Stop telling yourself you’ll have more time later.

It’s a lie. It’s a mirage in the desert. And the more you push out your tasks, the more frustrated you’ll be. The undone tasks and expectations will weigh you down.

If you can’t bear to cross things off your list, ask yourself two questions:

1. Will finishing this spark joy?
2. Is this essential?

And, if you still can’t delete it off your list, move the item to a new list called “Maybe/Someday.”

Now you can focus on your MITs for the day and feel HAPPY and CONTENT about what you’re getting done. Plus, you won’t feel guilty if you’ve finished your MITs and you want to play a quick video game or relax with a book or just do nothing.

Thanks for reading and watch your feed for the #2 secret to happiness.

Feeling a little lighter. @allforthegood

Comments

[randowhale]

This post received a 1.8% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @allforthegood! For more information, click here!

[farmstead]

According to Pope Francis the Ten Secrets to Happiness are:

1. "Live and let live." Everyone should be guided by this principle, he said, which has a similar expression in Rome with the saying, "Move forward and let others do the same."
2. "Be giving of yourself to others." People need to be open and generous toward others, he said, because "if you withdraw into yourself, you run the risk of becoming egocentric. And stagnant water becomes putrid."
3. "Proceed calmly" in life. The pope, who used to teach high school literature, used an image from an Argentine novel by Ricardo Guiraldes, in which the protagonist -- gaucho Don Segundo Sombra -- looks back on how he lived his life.
   "He says that in his youth he was a stream full of rocks that he carried with him; as an adult, a rushing river; and in old age, he was still moving, but slowly, like a pool" of water, the pope said. He said he likes this latter image of a pool of water -- to have "the ability to move with kindness and humility, a calmness in life."
4. "A healthy sense of leisure." The pleasures of art, literature and playing together with children have been lost, he said.
   "Consumerism has brought us anxiety" and stress, causing people to lose a "healthy culture of leisure." Their time is "swallowed up" so people can't share it with anyone.
   Even though many parents work long hours, they must set aside time to play with their children; work schedules make it "complicated, but you must do it," he said.
   Families must also turn off the TV when they sit down to eat because, even though television is useful for keeping up with the news, having it on during mealtime "doesn't let you communicate" with each other, the pope said.
5. Sundays should be holidays. Workers should have Sundays off because "Sunday is for family," he said.
6. Find innovative ways to create dignified jobs for young people. "We need to be creative with young people. If they have no opportunities they will get into drugs" and be more vulnerable to suicide, he said.
   "It's not enough to give them food," he said. "Dignity is given to you when you can bring food home" from one's own labor.
7. Respect and take care of nature. Environmental degradation "is one of the biggest challenges we have," he said. "I think a question that we're not asking ourselves is: 'Isn't humanity committing suicide with this indiscriminate and tyrannical use of nature?'"
8. Stop being negative. "Needing to talk badly about others indicates low self-esteem. That means, 'I feel so low that instead of picking myself up I have to cut others down,'" the pope said. "Letting go of negative things quickly is healthy."
9. Don't proselytize; respect others' beliefs. "We can inspire others through witness so that one grows together in communicating. But the worst thing of all is religious proselytism, which paralyzes: 'I am talking with you in order to persuade you,' No. Each person dialogues, starting with his and her own identity. The church grows by attraction, not proselytizing," the pope said.
10. Work for peace. "We are living in a time of many wars," he said, and "the call for peace must be shouted. Peace sometimes gives the impression of being quiet, but it is never quiet, peace is always proactive" and dynamic.

[allforthegood]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. What deep truths! I especially like the imagery here. To be able to see life in perspective is a gift that comes with age. Not everything is such a BIG deal. Be calm and carry on.

"He says that in his youth he was a stream full of rocks that he carried with him; as an adult, a rushing river; and in old age, he was still moving, but slowly, like a pool" of water, the pope said. He said he likes this latter image of a pool of water -- to have "the ability to move with kindness and humility, a calmness in life."

[riskybiscuit]

And every time you remember something else you SHOULD BE DOING, your stress increases, and the weight upon your shoulders multiples.

I have this problem. Thank you for explaining it!

Followed :)

[allforthegood]

Your welcome. It makes so much sense when we slow down long enough to analyze it and fix it.

[morodiene]

I know the first thing @negativer would cross of your list is "Make sauerkraut" No one needs to do that - ever. But seriously, I know exactly what you're saying. I'm starting to notice those times when I've taken on too much and had to let go of a few things. I'm hoping to one day set realistic goals instead. :)

[allforthegood]

Yes, unless you cull"set realistic goals" off your to do list ;) Sauerkraut has amazing probiotics...I don't know if I can let that one go.

[morodiene]

Haha, touche! Sauerkraut might not work in our home, but kombucha does - but don't add that to your list.

[honeychum]

Hi, u seem to be one pleasent personality. I liked your post and i am going to follow you. Please check my work and please follow me as well.

Follow me at @honeychum

[allforthegood]

Thank you very much. I will be sure to check out your work.

[farmstead]

For myself, I don't think my happiness is so complicated. Give me animals to love, my husband to keep me company, wilderness to roam, landscape to view, food to eat, a garden to grow, and friends to support - I think that's all I need.

[allforthegood]

You are right. I love the simplicity that comes with the homesteading direction. I think it is a life of peace to get off the consumerism, busy city hamster wheel. However, for my part, I feel difficulties on achieving this simple happiness as a parent. I want to accomplish or teach this or that with my children, or see a character flaw in them that is disappointing or frustrating, etc, and I feel like I'm failing as a Mom or Wife.

[farmstead]

I don't know how old your kids are, but we gotta remember that they make that choice to have ____ character flaw and it's not because you didn't do your best - therefore you did not and have not failed as a mother. No matter how old they are, they do have their own brains and make their own choices whether or not it's "right" or "wrong". We can tell them the "right" way to do things, but in the end, it cannot be forced, only shown.

[allforthegood]

Yes, as proof, you can see kids in a family behave very differently though all were raised under the same parenting techniques. Kids are individuals with free will and distinct personalities. Gotta keep reminding myself of that, thank you for your advice and encouragement :)

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