Overweight, menopausal, and just doggone tired!

Somehow, ever since I turned 40 I have been gaining weight like nobody's business. The biggest problem with this was I didn't care. I wasn't trying to impress anyone and I wasn't going to look for anyone to impress. My goals were to raise my 3 sons to be productive, responsible men then to go off into the wild, blue yonder and explore in that little gap of time before you become a grandparent.

Problem is, I found I couldn't go off anywhere if I wanted to. I had gotten as big as a house! You would think that not being able to go down a water slide on an inner tube properly would motivate me to do something (I was a smidge over THAT weight limit), but it didn't. Then, to top it all off, my path crossed with an old school sweetheart that I really wanted to have a relationship with and I looked like the blue ribbon pig in a county fair. Fortunately for me, he didn't seem to mind how I had let myself go and we started dating.

Fast-foward 5 years. We have been married for a year and have adopted a little relative of mine to raise as our daughter. This past February I maxxed out at the biggest I had ever been, and seeing a picture of myself from the back startled me into finally (seriously) doing something. By this point, walking was about all I could do, and occasionally I could go up a flight or two of stairs. I was getting to the end of the tape measure, and that was a HUGE surprise to me! I researched and picked a diet I thought I could do, and prayed it would worked because in my head I'm looking like Jabba the Hut.

Now I'm 4 months in and the weight loss has slowed down. I'm 35 pounds down and 3 times that to go. I figure that it is time to join a gym. I really hate this option because I am better but still big as a house. I'm more in the middle of the tape measure, which is encouraging, but that is probably not going to encourage me very much when all the Barbies are jogging next to me in the gym.

The gym has changed a lot since I was a regular attender 10 years ago or so. For one thing, I realize I AM that middle aged slowpoke that everyone is either pitying or disgusted by. You still have the ones that spend more time at the mirror than on the weights, and there are those that you wonder why they are even there with the tiny bit of effort they are putting out. There is definitely a difference-it is NOT just me. EVERYONE that looks younger than 30 has their phone in their hand with almost everything they are doing. No one acts like they are there to meet anyone or socialize, even the ones that came in together and are working out together. True, this is a college campus rec center and I am witnessing a totally different generation. I try to keep this in mind. Another thing I notice is there is no interaction between male and female, unless an obvious couple is working out together. The guys look at each other and the girls look at each other, and the flirty behavior is not there between the sexes AT ALL. I know this is a new age, and everyone is free to love who they want to love, but this just seems a little off.

Anywho, I pick a cardio machine that doesn't look too hard or intimidating and hop on. I didn't last 5 minutes before I was heaving myself off of there and heading for the walking track. I was breathing like a steam locomotive and sweating off every bit of water I had in me. It took a minute for the jelly-feeling to leave my legs and walk a couple of miles. I decide to go attempt weight lifting. Only a couple of machines looked familiar, so I end up having to read the instructions and look at the pictures while I do the machine. The whole time I'm picturing myself ending up twisted like taffy on them, so I use light weight. The funny thing is, what was once what I considered light weight when I worked out was now heavy! What happened to my muscles? How can shoulder pressing 30 lbs now be a challenge? The only thing I still have workable muscle in is the hip area of my legs, and I realize it kept working out lifting my butt up and down out of chairs. So sad!

The next time I went, I decided that swimming might be a better choice since I was having a hard time with what I was familiar with. The joy of changing in the locker room(hear the sarcasm?) and having to shower with naked Barbies everywhere made me want to run out of there, but that picture of my backside keeps me resolved. I sucked up every nerve I had because I knew I had to be seen in unfamiliar public in a swimsuit before getting in the water. I wanted to cry, but I marched out like I owned the place and went to the lap area of the pool (this pool has jacuzzi, lazy river, and a whirlpool also). One lap in, I'm breathing hard. Two laps in, my heart is beating out of my chest. I decide I had better slow it down if I was going to do this for 30 minutes. I break out in a sweat (in a pool!) by lap 5, and I'm pretty sure my face is getting beet red because it always has when I exert myself, in shape or not. The lifeguards are keeping a pretty close eye on me by this point and probably going over CPR algorithms in their heads. I have to mix it up and do the backstroke in freestyle fashion to be able to do a whole 30 minutes of swimming. I haven't tried it again, but I'm thinking I might today.

Well, I have been in the gym a week now and I pray I stick with it because I have never been so embarrassed to be me as I am right now. Please share your most embarrassing gym moments below to keep me laughing and motivated!