A decade has gone by since I was diagnosed with depression.
Can you imagine? A 10 year-old girl diagnosed with chronic and manic depression.
Most of the psychologist I visited stated that my trigger was my parents' divorce.
It seems fair to think that as a kid coming from a "broken" family I would have greater tendencies to depression and suicidal thoughts.
After my parents had a divorce, I suffered from physical and psychological abuse coming from my mother. She was dealing with depressive feelings on her own and I happened to be around for her to vent.
I was once described as a "vomit bag". You know, the ones you get when you fly on an airplane? If you get dizzy, and decide to puke, you can do it in that bag because it is made exactly for that purpose.
I remember I was 12 years old the first time I thought about killing myself.
It seems that throughout my life I have been that vomit bag for people around me. Everyone who doesn't seem to be happy or satisfied with their own lives, throw what they don't like right at me. And I deal with feelings that are not mine.
A constant "you are not worth it" followed by physical abuse turned my brain on itself.
And then I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Sometimes you could find my at 3 a.m. wandering around the streets screaming and scratching at myself without really knowing I was doing it.
My journey took an awful turn when I got sent to a psychiatrist instead. And that doctor made the decision to hook me up on your good ol'happy pills. Which only felt they turned my brain upside down.
After my body shut down and I experienced a hemorrage, I chose to stop taking medication and deal with depression by myself.
Most people feel depression is a dark, cold hole from where you can't get out. But in my case, I feel it more to be like wandering around a fully lit room, with your eyes burning from the whiteness, and it feel so hot you can't really breathe.
It has been 10 years now. And my depression has changed. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. And I even had some story changers thrown in like anxiety, bipolar disorder and some doctors have thought about me having OCD.
I'm past over killing myself.
I am not saying it always gets easier, or better...
But you won't know if it does if you are not around to see for yourself
I own my depression. Not the other way around.
Exactly ....you do own it and you have the courage and strength to help yourself! You have a wonderful outlook & I am sure if shared you can show others that they do not need to be drugged up or locked up.....
Be proud of yourself for over coming so much!
Do you believe that one can get rid of depression by themselves?
I strongly believe you can overcome depression without any medication and entirely by yourself. But it is up to eachone of us to decide if we need help or not :)
Yes! I have found no-fap and cold showers to be a gread help with overcoming depression.
But do not believe me. Look more into it for yourself and try it out. It can only help.
I am currently in a special diet that has helped me enormously
You should share what a typical day on your diet is like! :)
thanks!
Hello @elsueterflofi! You are a beautiful girl who sadly had to go through some rough life experience.
I too had a rough childhood, so throughout my childhood I've been a weird guy, mostly closed off from the world outside, immersed into documentaries and philosophies of any kind, but as time went on and I looked more for a way to treat my own depression, I have found that no fap and cold showers can help a great deal. They did so for me, at least.
Look into more people who share their experiences with those "diets". It can only help.
Any way, remember than everything that has been said to you, it wasn't your fault. It was coming from hurting people, which didn't know any better. They were hurting inside, so the only thing they were able to do was to hurt whoever was outside. You have no fault in that.
Look up for Life is beautiful and full of amazing gifts.
I'm curious about who you are and hope to see more of you. I have followed you and upvoted.
Thank you for your courage to express those bad experiences through this beautiful post of yours! Look up, Life is beautiful!
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STOPWe're in the same boat. Well.. to some extent. I hate to see people go through mental pain since I know how much it hurts. I hope you get better and enjoy life as it's supposed to be asap!