I also am of the mind that suffering is not a necessary result of pain, loss, etc.
A Buddhist teacher once said to me (in response to my complaining about things I'd learned about failings of Buddhist teachers) that the path of awakening is the path of disillusionment. I might go beyond that to say the path of all maturation is such.
We have to let go of all our illusions, including our illusions about what life is "supposed" to be like. That belief is the root of our suffering. When we accept that it is supposed to be whatever it is, while still being able to intend and work toward improvements we want to see to the best of our abilities, we can have a happy and fulfilling life even as we face inevitable challenges.
I'm glad that you are able to face it that way. And that you have used it to become such a cool and interesting person. :)
expectation is just another word for desire. I think that these days we are encouraged to be emotionally weak and mentally thoughtless. Rather than an examined life we lead directed ones where we are told how it all ought to be, even though impossible. It is a control mechanism that can be triggered in myriad ways.
Yes, it is definitely a key aspect of how what I call "cultural forces fighting culture wars" for control over our collective reality seek to move us as pawns in their game plan. Keeping us overwhelmed, off balance and insecure is a very effective part of their strategy. That's why I think that happiness in the presence of productive creativity is the most revolutionary act of defiance.