Amen love your post here especially
"Moving away from that is often scarier than the unhappy reality we live in."
I used to hate it when I say girls in an abusive relationship only to realize finally I was in an abusive relationship with an inanimate object (alcohol) and would not let it go because life without it was scarier than the predictable unhappiness until I got honest about the upcoming consequences and the fear of death kicked in. I think a lot of us have been through at least mild emotional abuse if not worse in a relationship and I am grateful I now am able to be understanding instead of judgemental.
Thank you so much for sharing part of your story Jerry, its one of the most courageous things I know. I personally suffered from severe eating disorders for 15 years, using food or lack of it as my way of controlling chaos and escape from the reality I was in and emotions I wasnt equipped to deal with at the time. In that dark space this idea of"Moving away from that is often scarier than the unhappy reality we live in" became a reality for myself...which am luckily moved on now. Hope you are in a healthier space now too Jerry! xx