My hat is permanently tipped to working mamas, it really is.
(Commence rant) I am on day 11 straight of going into town, and being gone from home half the day or more, for some reason or other, and I am OVER IT. I guess the equivalent for working moms is being out of the office with nobody covering your job and knowing all the work is just accumulating in your absence. My life the last week and a half has consisted of being in the car and cooling my heels in town, while percolating in the back of my mind is the growing pile of tasks that I am freaking hardly home to put a dent in. As I battle the frustration and messy-house-induced anxiety that cloud my brain, I struggle with things like writing. I don't want to play. I don't want to cook because that creates yet more messes. Right now I just want to either curl up in a ball and cry, or burn everything down and run far far away--like to Hawaii far away. Working moms are freaking superheroes, because I've got the equivalent of a part time job in how much I'm gone from home, and I hate it! (End rant)
Ok. Ahem. Now that I've gotten some ungrateful whining off my chest, I have to acknowledge that things really aren't that bad--except I haven't cleaned the bathrooms in 2 weeks and the foyer has a trail of dried-mud dog tracks through it and there's a heavy layer of dust adorning every surface. (Calm down, breathe) This will get better tomorrow. I'm almost to the light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow and Saturday, I don't have to go anywhere, oh blessed, blissful thought.
"Messy House Anxiety"
Yes, I am one of Those People who get anxious/depressed over a messy house. Ironically, I'm not a "neat freak" who needs a magazine-worthy environment. I can stand organized clutter, I can stand clutter in other people's houses, and I'm ok with a certain level of "undoneness"; but I cannot mentally relax once I've fallen way behind. If you search the Internet for "messy house anxiety" it is definitely A Thing with various explanations. For me, being a homemaker is my chosen Job, and quite simply, I don't like feeling as if I'm failing at my job.
My faithful friend of 7 years and counting. We have innumerable hours and miles spent together, haha
Now that I've ranted about how I get when things are NOT going along like normal--well, you may ask, how do I deal with it when things ARE "normal"? I have two small children and several pets and the largest house I've ever lived in, are things ever actually "normal"? (hahaha nope) So, how do I not go berserk daily?
Well, I did go berserk daily, at first. Before kids, cleaning was easy. I just straightened up as things needed to be done, which wasn't much. Then I had twins. Everything. Always. Needed. to be done, so my former method no longer worked. In the madness, I'd forgetfully do the same chore several times a week while some other chore went undone for a month or more (or until the Husband did it), and I never had time left over to do anything fun anymore. Everybody on Internet baby forums blithely advised "Just let the house go!" That's awesome that that works for other people; it had the exact opposite effect for me. Messy house anxiety screamed at me to get things in order, while sleep deprivation and post partum depression told me it was useless to even try. Quite the vicious mental war.
The Solution (for ME, since everyone is different)
It's funny how things you read years ago, maybe even in your childhood, can come to mind and help solve such problems. For me, the memory that caused an epiphany was Ma Ingalls' household routine as spelled out by Laura Ingalls Wilder in the book Little House in the Big Woods:
If assigning each day of the week its own task worked for pioneer women--well, why couldn't it work for me, too? I thrive on lists, so I sat down and brainstormed my own "major" recurring chores, and then divided them up among the days of the week, with Sunday being a day of rest. I wrote them down, and then made myself stick to it.
It brought me such relief from the ongoing war in my head, taught me to be more accepting of the new limitations in my changed life, and most importantly, freed up more of my time to have fun with the kids. At first, I had to consciously train myself not to jump to do chores as I saw them. I'd see dust on the TV on Friday and itch to grab the Swiffer; then tell myself "no, just leave it." It didn't take too long to go from "OMG I need to dust!" to "it's ok, Monday is for dusting." My days went from feeling like an unending cycle of drudgery to manageable bites of work. It is the right compromise that balances that "let the house go" advice with my need to keep my environment a certain way.
It's really such a simple solution--and one that's easy to overlook (as I did) in today's fast-paced and busy lifestyles. Maybe this can help someone else who is struggling as I did.
What is your strategy?
I texted the Husband earlier that I needed alcohol, chocolate, and a tropical vacation, and he said he could grant the first two, LOL. "I'll settle for a hot bubble bath then," said I--and knowing that I will get my house in order tomorrow, and get back on my usual chore track after that, I will push that nasty anxiety away, and relax tonight :)
I feel your pain! The struggle is real. I get it even worse if we are going out of town. I literally vacuum as we back out the door. I list everything too. I list for the day, the week and month. I drive the hubs bonkers. I have learned to roll with it a little better since our lives have calmed down. Having no time before and just cramming in chores was definitely more stressful. I think as I have gotten older some of the things that used to bug me most, I don't care about anymore. For me, I have learned to plan and make realistic daily lists. I get anxiety from not finishing tasks so if I get everything completed on my list that is productive day and a good mood. We cannot be Superwomen 7/24 :)
No, we certainly can't! I haven't (yet) given up trying though ;) I burst out laughing at "I literally vacuum as we back out the door" because I do that kind of thing! The kids will be loaded in the car, while I'm washing cereal bowls and coffee cups because "I'm not coming home to dishes!"
Yes! Its like always having clean undies on 'in case'. If something hsppens to me I don't want my house to be an embarassment :) and I don't want to come home to a mess either.
You're speaking my language! Mess is stress! As they grow, they will help! Now I can give them clothes to put away, make them clean their rooms, take out the garbage, etc.
wine, chocolate, and a hot bath in a locked bathroom...yes!!!
Oh, I imbibed two glasses of wine, which is not the norm and definitely puts me at slightly tipsy. The Husband then asked if I was going to check on the chickens before disappearing into the locked bathroom with the bag of leftover Easter candy. "I might as well stagger out to the barn now," I joked, which led to Little Man excitedly asking "CAN WE STAGGER OUT TO THE BARN TOO?" Oops. I have to say that YES, the older they get, the more I enjoy their increasing ability to help out!
I understand the anxiety! Husband and I are still learning how to keep the house clean when we don't have kids; I can't imagine how much harder it'll be when we do! He advises me to "let it go," when I get worked up about the mess. He can work around it... I just get more stressed. I'm glad you found something that works for you!
Thanks! According to a Woman's Day article I read on the subject, men generally can let it go better and kids don't care...which leaves women with the choice of living with the chaos or being everyone's maid...And then they wonder why we act crazy sometimes! 😳
Yes, it really is a thing! Before kids, my place was always perfectly clean, granted I didn’t have much back then either. Now, there is so much mental exhaustion that comes along with balancing housework and giving kids attention. I should give this list thing a try!
Give your least favorite chore its own day if you do. I dislike cleaning the bathrooms the most, so Friday is bathroom cleaning day and nothing else😂
Good job!
Thank you! :)
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jeeze. what did women do when they had 6+ kids and no modern appliances? wah, wah! LOL
They took an entire day to churn butter, it seems.
Both @walkerland and @hebrewhousewife and I have had interesting conversations on their own posts about modern conveniences not necessarily making modern life any easier, because you just fill up that saved time with something else that makes you even busier in the long run. There's a weird sense that we're always supposed to be doing something or else we aren't productive. I've still got work to do to clear that notion out of my head.
Tell your husband I said his wife needs a few more kids to keep silly notions out of her head! LOL And also tell him how dangerous it is to allow her into henhouses with the other hens!!!
I’m suffering from the same anxiety! I think I got overconfident after first baby reached toddlerhood that when I fell pregnant again (unintentionally) I thought, “how much harder can it really be with two? I’m a pro now. I got this” Boy was I in for a surprise! Great post. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! I'm glad you could relate...and I hope you find the thing that works to alleviate your anxiety❤️ I'm definitely still a work in progress!
What an awesome solution!!! Well done you!!! Cleaning is about control I think. When my life feels stressful i clean like you would believe. Both hubby and I cant find peace until its done and we love a throw out and a spring clean. I love how you managed it with a roster of days. Great idea!
Yes, I'd say you're right about the control, and the clean house is a symbol for it. The Husband cleans as a form of stress relief. Oooohh I'm itching so bad to spring clean and get rid of stuff like crazy!! Maybe this weekend😊 Thank you so much!
Haha funny... sometimes we are even in sync.. gets up and wordlessly start minimising.. Jamie cranks some tunes and off we go!
I have only read/listened to part Wilder's Farmer Boy, but the Sunday ritual of doing nothing all day for the kids sounded downright miserable!
The audiobook is great for a road trip.
I agree! My mom has the whole series and I read them all over and over again as a child. Pa tells a similar story of a strict "do nothing" Sunday routine in Little House in the Big Woods, and now that I have small kids I'm blown away by the notion of trying to get them to just sit quietly in one spot the entire day!!
I badly need to schedule my housecleaning better. As it is I just do what will prevent the husband from getting anxious and what a guest might see if they're looking. I badly, BADLY need to dust. The floors get swept every other day, sometimes every day. The one rug in the house is also vacuumed every other day. Dishes get done daily...laundry gets done on the weekends, or when I can't find anything else cleaning-wise that I actually want to do. I'll do laundry to make it seem like I'm keeping busy. Haha!
Hahaha!! laundry is awesome for that since the machines do the bulk of the work! I vacuum the high-traffic areas throughout the week too, because the floating dog hair crosses the line of what I can ignore, but vacuuming the whole house and mopping is Tuesday's work, so those muddy paw prints stick around awhile🤣 Dusting is just boring and if it wasn't for my schedule I'd never do it either!
I loved this post. It actually helped me to read it. You are definitely not the only one that gets stressed when their house is overdue for a good clean. I think breaking it down into days would help alleviate a lot of stress for many people. Thanks for sharing. :D
God bless you and your wonderful family. :D Have an awesome day! :D
Thank you! I'm glad it helped! And it's encouraging to know it's not just me, either. I hope you have a wonderful day as well! :)
You're welcome my friend. :D I think it really helps to know other suffer through the same thing, I know it helps me feel less alone when I know its not just me as well. :D
Thank you. :D God bless you my fabulous friend. :D Have an amazing day! :D
My only assigned day is Monday is always laundry day. The other days things get done as they get done. During the growing season, very little housework gets done. I do a MAJOR spring cleaning all winter, and then maybe a vacuum gets run around once in a while.
With a busy growing season, you definitely have a good reason! :)
Before I had kids I thought up this ingenious idea. I wrote my daily chore on a well displayed chalk board. Then I had kids, and this routine fell apart, possibly along with all other logical thoughts. I need to get back to it!
"possibly along with all other logical thoughts" hahaha, that is about right!!
I choose rooms to keep clean and pat myself on the back if I ever get a clean sink with ALL the dishes put away. I also aim to vacuum daily which means everything has to be picked up off the floor. My house gets deep clean loving whenever my mom (who lives 8 hours away and has to announce all her visits) is coming over and only because she's one of those who gets sick if their surroundings don't look a certain way.
EVERYBODY does their own laundry. (Even the three year old boy) I help them of course, but when there's a pile of laundry, it doesn't feel like its "mine."
Wow, I'm impressed that you've got your 3 year old doing laundry! Definitely not to that point with my kiddos, but they do help me sort it and load the machines and then sort the dried clothes for folding.