It sounds like you got "wanna change the world syndrome", I can relate. But the world only changes when we change ourselves, otherwise we keep hitting brick walls. I have taken a few approaches to sharing what I have to share and it's been wild ride. And I'm still trying to focus on changing myself rather than getting stuck in what sucks and what is difficult.
First I tried to be an indie musician, then i ran from the spotlight and all forms of commercialism and ended up a half assed street musician activist, then I tried to force myself back into society and do music and writing on the side, now I'm kind of taking whatever opportunities come, whether it be an opportunity to help me build up funds through other work or if it's a chance to share my work or improve my art. But I make sure never to do something that rubs me the wrong way, and if it does I just turn it down no matter how good it sounds. It's getting easier and easier, and shit, I would love to brainstorm ways of making it smoother and more fun.
You have an awesome energy of honesty and integrity and a bunch of other good stuff I can't see clearly enough to put my finger on. Glad Ras sent me your post.
We have some parallels and similarities my friend. I'm stubborn and I stick to my integrity as well. It doesn't work out too well financially, but we have our souls intact don't we? I would say that's pretty valuable. Yes, I had "save the world" syndrome. That didn't work out too well but I followed my heart and did my best. Now I have to regroup, refuel, refocus, and remember that laughter and joy and happiness are just as valid as any of the problems that exist in the world. I had a wrong focus with a good heart. That can be an energy drainer for sure! But I appreciate you and Ras is the best. Any friend of Ras is a friend of mine. Plus, your comment is spot on mate. Welcome! And thank you.