The past little while has been something else.
First I lost the HIVE platform I have worked so hard to build for the past 5 years. Then I lost the love of my life. A few days later I lost the capacity to run.
Fair to say it's going pretty bad. To lose all of these things at once still feels surreal at times. Take a severely depressed person and take away from them the few things that keep them going and hope for the best. Lol. I didn't thing I had it in me to keep on going in spite of this pain that is unbearable. Maybe it's because I try to compensate my feeling powerless by telling myself that I will always be one swallowing away from ending it all. The one thing nobody can ever take away from me.
I hate that I catch myself asking the universe why me. It's like I still haven't fully accepted the fact that life isn't fair. There's no justice to be found Sab. You can give so much love and kindness to someone, that doesn't mean they can't call it quits the next day. My heart shouldn't be a therapy office for broken men. It's not my responsability to save people who don't want to be saved. But my heart does not discriminate. If only love wasn't blind...
Love is a choice and some people make the choice of leaving all the time. Doesn't matter that you're the kindest most loving person. Most relationships end anyway. That's the truth all day long. Should that stop us from ever pursuing them? I don't think so.
After all the research I've done on romantic love throughout the years and the product of my own experiences, I'm confident in the knowledge that it's a done deal for me. I've had my fair share of pain and the people I've been with have handed me traumas that a lifetime of therapy could only hope solving. If the price of love is excruciating pain like the one I'm feeling now in my heart, then I don't want it. I would much rather live a lonely life than risk being hurt like this again.
And to all the ones with an avoidant attachment style out there, please get the help that you deserve. If not, you will keep on hurting the ones closest to you. We all have our own issues, but being in a romantic relationship with an avoidant is a special kind of hell. They can be cruel and heartless in their methods, but that's only because they are in tremendous pain themselves.
Not sure if or when I will be back. But until then, and if no one said it to you today, I love you.Not sure if anyone will even bother reading this, after losing my old account @steemityourway, I lost my desire to build what I had back.
If you wish to support me further, I accept all bitcoin donations.
Thanks so much!💜
BTC address:
3E8LecKvDoEUUKnR233HHqm7oX7L1JQG5s
Do not give up. Life is full of unexpected events but we can see the best of what we have!
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