How do you survive heartbreak?
That's a question that is mindboggling and practically making me crazy right now. So here's what happened, I found out that my partner (whom I have two children with) is cheating on me for the third time with a chic that he said was only a friend. Let me ask you, if you were in my shoes and they are having secret conversations with I love you's what will you think and feel? They keep on telling me that there is nothing going on between them but I beg to differ. I am not blind. I know they are flirting with each other. They are actually teasing and saying sweetly how they miss each other. That's not what a friend do. This is knowing they know each other for maybe 2 months only. They keep on telling they don't have a relationship but I am not blind. And I am through being blind. This is I guess the last straw of cheating for me. It hurts to cry out every pain and suffering I feel. This feels like the whole world is smashing my heart into tiny pieces and I am not sure if I can still recover. I am a damage piece like a good-for-nothing trash.
I am a damage person right now. I gave my partner my whole life and even eloping with him but he turned me down. Honestly, he proved to everyone what the past people in my life thinks of him - an asshole. I gave him two kids and my life. I never intentionally made him unhappy. In my understanding, I always make sure I always provide what he needed. I thought I was doing great at this family and adulting life but I was totally wrong. It still hurts so bad I wanna cry my heart out and just be numb. I wish I could be numb.
I think the damage of our relationship will live on with me for the rest of my life. I will never forget how awful the feeling of being not good enough for him. I just want him out of my heart and never touch the depths of my soul again like he used to. He was my first boyfriend and I though he will be the last but I am so wrong on assuming so. Right now, I am really sorry for sharing with ya'll this Heartbroken Diary. I am just not myself right now. I feel lost to be honest. I am still on the stage of nursing my broken dreams and heart.
After all, this is only the start of my journey to becoming better.
Note: The pictures are not mine. Credits to the owner. The second picture is how damage I am... for the rest of my life.
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Look I've been on both sides of that coin. Not saying it's good but the self-worth starts with well, yourself. The human mind can take a lot more than you think my friend.
I am confused, angry, lonely, dissapointed and frustrated right now. I don't know what to do honestly.. I don't know if I can move on from this. I have a low self-esteem now and I feel so insecure. This is bad but I hope I get better someday. Thank you for your kind words...
Yes, I am now starting my self love process. It is very difficult but I am doing it anyway because I want to get better. Thank you for your comment.
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