It was hard to start writing this, because I'm not good at thinking I deserve, nor asking for, help, but circumstances have arisen that demand I choke down my pride, and do it, because otherwise, I might be homeless by the end of the week. Let me explain.
For months now, I've known that my current living situation would lapse. I've tried countless methods of making many things work, and recently, a graphics job looked like it would tide me over for the next couple months, so I could get @BadMorningNews revved up and going, fell through. That, I'm confident, will be one of the key factors in my coming success, as it has mass potential. But I'm not there yet. More on that later.
I live where I've lived almost my whole life - here in a small town in the Southern California desert. The opportunities here aren't very thick, and if one has any ambition, it's basically heavily encouraged that people leave, which I've tried multiple times to do. For some reason though, I've never found the grass much greener on the other side. So I've had this invisible elastic band attached to me, always pulling me back. I can't get hired at corporate jobs, for multiple reasons, and the last one I had began reducing my hours until I couldn't afford the commute, likely because I had a rugged spirit about not wanting to poison people with the fast food I was serving them, so I... y'know... followed the rules. And the odd jobs I have been getting have been dwindling at the same pace as the water soil saturation in this desert. It's not that I'm unwilling to work - it's that work is simply not as available as I need it to be.
But let's be clear. Much of my situation is my fault. I haven't spent what little money I did have the most wisely, and there were probably savings opportunities I missed. I have a diagnosis of bipolarism, ADHD, and more I could mention, and my outlets for those things are sometimes unhealthy. I have attacked myself everyday for these things, and that often results in a lack of ambition to live, causing regular suicidal ideations. Recently, I've taken up a workout routine, and tried to stick as closely to keto and paleo diets as possible to compensate for my mental issues, and it's been helping, but I lost this graphics job I was relying on the other day, and last night I woke up screaming from a nightmare in which I lost everything, and a group of shadows surrounded me, taunting me with every mistake I remember ever making. I don't get good sleep lately because I see everything crashing down, and I think I'm going to lose everything with no hope of seeing the sun.
I don't know what to say other than "I need help". I'm missing a lot of details, and there's a devil somewhere writing down a tome of my flaws, misdeeds, and transgressions, which I could not transcribe here, so I don't even think I deserve any support here. I'm leaving it up to you to decide whether or not I do. If I don't, however, all my content will be on hiatus for the forseeable future, while I look for a place to live. My gear will all go in storage, and IDK what I even can do at that point. So I'm laying it all out here.
I see that when a lot of people do this sort of thing, they offer something in return. I don't have a GoFundMe or something set up. There are other ways to help, and I don't feel like I deserve to be next to charitable causes. I have a Patreon, and their "charge up front" scheme, along with the already existing reward tiers mean you can hold me accountable if I don't distribute your reward, and possibly get a refund, as well. Please click this if you decide to do that. I also have a Venmo, if you just decide you want to send me something. You can click here for that. I also have many cryptocurrencies I can accept, and if you let me know which one works for you, I'll be happy to post an address. I'll also be posting a ton of content to Steemit shortly, so you can keep an eye out, and upvote it with as high a percentage as you feel is warranted. I'll be doing a fundraising drive on Wednesday as well, on DLive. The more people you invite to that, the more likely I can survive this.
But primarily, thank you. Humbly - thank you. If you decide to help me in this situation, it will help me write the victory chapter in this book of my life. I feel sick even posting this, but I'll feel sicker in a ditch, and even in my state of disgust with myself, I can see that. Maybe this will be the first day of a positive future, but either way, I tried. Thank you so much for reading.
@insanityisfree
I feel you brother, (not going to resteem this) but I will hook you up with a payed resteeming service with over 20.000 followers @sportic, you might want to add a photo to the article to catch peoples attention... Best of luck!!!
This photo is for free at pixabay follow link to see...
/FF
You got me worried the other day when you disappeared on me, not for pure an altruistic reason either bud. You have been helping me get out of my own quagmire and I could still use your hand in that.
I understand where you are coming from and can offer genuine sympathy if you want, not the virtuous pious version that leads to a pissing contest we see nowadays but rather an ear and an answer as to what I do about it instead of what you should be doing.
For instance the only real help I can offer is to do what I can to keep you on the air, even if I have use my hardware and you have to call in on a borrowed cell phone. My best advice would be to keep a routine and work schedule the best you can throughout this hard time.
Let me know what I can do bud.
Stay up bro, sometimes there are rough patches. Often when things seem like they've reached the lowest of lows, they're still salvageable. Actually, everything is salvageable no matter how dire it appears to be. Value yourself and learn to view yourself in a different light. If we can't be our own biggest ally then who in this world can we really count on? Respect yourself.
Re fucken steemed@ I wish I could help more but ima Broke Lil Bitch!
that sounds rough, upvoted, probably the best thing to do is start reading all of @samstonehill Abraham posts, just read them all and then see if your problems aren't resolved in a few days.
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STOPSadly, I never saw this post. It must have happened after I had left Steemit. :( We probably talked through other channels though.