Prologue: What is compassion? Religions have taught us that if we feel sorry for another human being then we are good people. If we jump to help them, save them from their own misery and create a better life for them, then we do good, we "save a soul". I am suggesting here, and perhaps you hear it for the first time, that true compassion is the ability to respect the other person's choices, without inflicting our own agenda on them. I claim that if we stand behind the wall, observing the reality while being a standard, our contribution to the universe is greater than anything else. This Q&A serves as an example of this notion.
Credit: wallhere
Hi,
I have a friend who has dated a guy from her work for the past year. This man has a girlfriend so the affair with my friend is secretive. Once every several months they break up because he blames my friend for causing him stress and for demanding too much. The thing is that because my friend is so weak she gives in and goes back to him soon after the breakup. In their relationship, she doesn’t have a right to express her opinion and the guy makes all the decisions. If he wants to meet – they meet; if he wants to cold shoulder her, he does. When she does something that he doesn’t like he automatically threatens to leave her. And because she can’t live without him, my friend gives up and becomes submissive.
I am very sad about my friend’s situation. I talk with her a lot but when I say some hard things straight to her face she shuts off and doesn’t listen. Therefore, most of the time I am just there to listen.
To what extent should I support my friend when I know that she is ruining her life? And what else can I do?
Thank you,
Hillary
Credit: weburbanist
Hillary,
Helping and supporting your loved ones is a noble and appropriate act. You only need to remember though not to give up on your own needs for your friend’s sake. In that regard, you must be selfish. When we serve others by giving too much we sometimes tend to sacrifice our own welfare and that eventually drains our own reservoirs and impedes us from further giving.
What can you do?
As you correctly observed your friend preserves her self as a weak person who is dependent on the love and attention she receives from the man. She feeds off of him and that connection cannot be broken from the outside. Your friend needs to learn to be strong. She has to learn about her inner essence that is the real source that sustains her being. The first step is through empowerment and by developing and enhancing her self-esteem.
The point is that when your friend learns about herself she will no longer need this guy for validation and reassurance. She will have more control over her own reality and that will mean that she can observe her life from a certain vantage point. Then she will know that she deserves to have much more and will look for a solution to her situation.
As a friend, you can do two main things:
Empower her by inflicting your agenda. There are numerous ways to do that - workshops, books, social games – and you could find the material you need on the internet. In most cases this way does not succeed because the other person is not ready. You observed this yourself as your friend clumps when you try to put sense into her.
Be a standard - your friend knows that she is trapped. She is not stupid. She knows that there is something better, and deep inside she knows she deserves more. The problem is that she does not believe herself. She still plays the game of being a victim, and the more you scold her the worse service you do. The best thing you can do is to set an example. Create for yourself the best relationship ever and share with her the beautiful moment you have. She will automatically feel this and the change will occur naturally.
Good luck to you both.
There's lots of guys on the websites. Tell your friend about the internet. lol
It wouldn't matter. She would attract to herself the same abusive type of man. 🤕
Pimp her out to a nice guy. lol jk
I agree! When it comes to Hillary’s friend, one day, sooner or later she will open her eyes and she will realize it’s just not working this kind of relationship. Unless her “boyfriend” stops using her whenever he needs her and really falls in love with her and starts respecting her. You would be surprised sometimes these situations play out the way she wants them to. I think she needs to be stronger than she is right now. She needs to show him she doesn’t need him anymore. Than the role could suddenly reverses.
Indeed. Only after a correlating inner process happened within her.
sometimes when you try to help you become the bad person maybe just advice and give her some understanding
.. Or be a standard to her
A bad love affair certainly is one thing which greatly avoided by everyone, huh? Hence, why men tend to last a long time in a bad love affair?
That's what I always question in this lifetime.
Sometimes, a relationship made me do not know when to stop.
Thanks My teacher @nomad-magus
Bad relationships serve people as well. If you are in one, ask yourself what you get from it
A true friend is someone who'll make you understand and help you understand if you are doing something that is not good or you are on the losing end of things in your life. He will not tolerate you if he feels that you're not happy. I agree that setting as a good example most of the time makes him realize the things that he should be doing. Thank you so much @nomad-magus. This topic is very relevant with my friend's situation. 😊❤
@nomad-magus She needs to understand and know her worth. Someone who is in secret relationship with her just because he already has another girlfriend who he is already cheating on can never be loyal to her either! Point blank. she has to crawl out of this fake relationship and find someone worth the pain.
God Bless!
Humanity's #1 problem in our time
Awesome solution. I really like your solution and explanation. Your are indeed a great creative person.
Awesome response. Learning from it as well
should we dating jagan clay face him first, clay hearts he good janga "do not be nantik you fooled your boyfriend to his front.
it is true that you say this @ nomad-mag .. I've heard also my friend as you tell it is true "sad it's his nomad-mag story .. good luck to die new life ya.
The second and most favorable option makes me believe that you attract the same energy that surrounds you, so the best thing would be to surround yourself with people with mostly good relationships, it is the way that this energy traps you and allows that inner awakening that maybe the internet through the blog does not achieve... I like this idea, I have always thought that the situation around you is the one that moves specific energies, great lesson David, happy night.