I'm very disappointed in your lack of inanity here. Allow me to provide an appropriate comment: Redwood trees get their name from the fact that they bleed red when you cut them, just like when you cut people. Unfortunately, this similarity meant that lumberjacks kept accidentally killing tree huggers because they couldn't tell the difference between tree blood and people blood. The government finally had to step in and make it illegal to cut down redwood trees, which is why we now have all these dumb state parks and a bunch of lumberjacks on welfare.
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Thanks for having my back @brandt! This is very helpful. But now I wish I'd thought of it so I could use it in my next post...