Real True History, Volume 2: Egypt

in #history7 years ago (edited)


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Pharaohs often required their servants to be buried alive along with them. But those servants were permitted to choose up to five friends and family members to join them, who could also bring five friends or co-workers each. This is why pyramids are so large, and why Egyptians are extinct to this day.

Incidentally this was the very first pyramid scheme, for which pyramids are named. If you're open to making some extra income in the afterlife, for a limited time I can offer you a primo spot in the upper level of the necropolis inner sanctum providing you meet your mummy bandage sales quota.

What people often don't realize is how these miraculous bandages pay for themselves in the long run. Only their revitalizing holistic properties can keep your mortal remains sufficiently intact that you will be able to enact a curse upon Abbot and Costello, clumsily chasing them through torchlit sandstone corridors as they comically bump into each other or fall on their faces.

Just read the testimonies of our star bandage sales representatives like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, as seen in the documentary film "The Mummy" showcasing the many career benefits and mystical mummy powers available to our capstone tier and higher sellers with 10,000 or more in their downline. Can you afford not to join? The correct answer is no.


This has been an installment of Real True History. All purported facts contained herein are works of fiction and satire. Anybody who mistakes them for actual facts has brain problems I am powerless to fix. That is all, go home.

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haha those crazy Egyptians :D

You forgot to mention that they are E-gyptians, the first electronically enhanced humans. That technological development led them to later create the E-cigarette and E-trade.

E-gyptians? Y U NO A-Gyptians?

@alexbeyman,
"The Mummy" you mentioned :D One of my most favorite movie series! But actually this is a very stupid idea! They had knowledge to build pyramids, but they had no common sense to think about WTF will happen when they covered by bandages in after life :D You got a good idea! I like this new series and where I missed Volume 1? I will search again :D

Cheers~

It's fucked up that the governments of the world have done their best to keep these pyramid schemes a secret from the general population. Access to these secret labyrinths is heavily regulated, most of the top prizes kept for the 1%.

@alexbeyman LOL! Hahahah epic. I clicked it not having a clue about its actual content and couldn't help laughing out loud! And it's midnight here!

Oh, so that's why the pyramids are so big! Makes perfect sense now... everyone brought friends and family to get buried together. What a pyramid scheme... haha

Yeah that'll do it for making them extinct that fast XD. That is exactly where the term pyramid scheme came from of course.

The only question remains who do you choose? You have 5351 servants, all of us? .🤣🤣🤣

Hey, afterlife is scary. Why not bring the whole squad?

Sorry but you didn't state when the ICO was being released? Do you have a website with techie looking gifs that I purchase with my hard earned steem?

Just think if you join up, you, too, can live a life like this!

You've got my attention, just what sort of residuals can I expect if I meet my quota?

Bird, bird, wavy lines, eyeball, bird. Plus a starting bonus of wavy lines eyeball.

Excellent! Now I just need to convince a few of my friends to be part of my downline....

The hole mummy thing gives me the chills, I watched all of the mummy movies even the new one with tom crews. The pyramid scheme part is every where in crypto these days.

Haha the first pyramid scheme.
Pyramids and Egyptian culture have always fascinated me though.

"What people often don't realize is how these miraculous bandages pay for themselves in the long run." Just like steemit.

Alex - By using history you are making a nice funny fictions... Good work...

+W+

LOL! I got about 3 words in before I said "no they didn't!" This was freaking hilarious once I figured out that it wasn't false information touted as truth.

Wow you had me going for the first paragraph untill i realized it was satire. The birth of the pyramid scheme I love it.

That fact about why pyramids are so large and population in Egypt... lmao

Incidentally this was the very first pyramid scheme, for which pyramids are named.

Yeah. ALIENS created that too, with the pyramids.

Really, i just saw it on HCH.

Well then you know it's legit. All their info comes straight from Hitler's ghost.

@alexbeyman Such a great article & nice photography
##Upvote/Resteem###

Memang firaun nyan aneuk taeun gulong. Ijak let ma ijak ju keudeh lam nuraka

Beware of the Pharaoh's curse

the culture most important, big and interesant

Haha love it you forgot the cats and there 5 kittens through they loved getting in on the scheme!

you are the best .. i ean knowing about history .. is the best thing anyone can do .. loved it

You forgot to add miraculous features of pharaon bandages when used as a toilet paper. But it probably will be in the third part.

Egypt story very nice...
Egypt lifestyle different other all country...
thanks for sharing a history of Egypt...