364 Days of Wishes, But One!
Last year, i felt like there has been a disconnect from me with the people I know, and I love and have memories with. I live 1000s of miles away from them, and the only medium we get to connect is Facebook or Whatsapp because phone calls are pretty expensive too. So, over the past year, I made it my mission to wish every single person in my social circle a happy birthday. Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram — I kept track of dates, and even imported the calendars in my iPhone and that rang crazy throughout the year with all those notifications. I even sent personalized messages, sometimes, making whatsapp stickers and cards. Not all of them were close, but known to me nonetheless.
There was one particular day, a not so bright, cloudy at best, kind of a stay at home day, which happened to be my birthday.
My kids prepared cards throughout the week to surprise me, and forced me to buy myself a nice cake and a to-go gift with my own money and consider it their gift. It was all sweet and wonderful, because I hadn't checked my social media or phone yet, i was saving the friends and friends of the family for the last part of the day so I could sit down and send them thankyou notes.
It was time, and i started with my Whatsapp, expecting it to be full of notifications and messages, and, it made me kind of sad. I had received a total of 2 birthday wishes, from some random friends, not in any Whatsapp group. I sent them a thankyou note, and wished them well.
I then opened my Instagram, and to nada!, zero wishes.
I then checked my Facebook, and a couple of random people, and some of known ones had posted something on wall. I wished them luck too and thanked them for their generous time to spend writing on my wall.
I realized, its really just you, your better half and your kids, that's it! Nothing else really matters, and no body really cares.
I wanted to be grateful, but instead, I felt bitter. I had spent last 365 days wishing everyone else... and when my day came, I was forgotten at the very least.
Was I the asshole for feeling hurt? For expecting something back when I'd only given without asking?
OR
OIt was just foolish for thinking that my gestures would naturally inspire others to do the same?
When I reflect back on that day, i realize, wishing others well had been about kindness, not keeping score. Maybe people forgot; not because they didn’t care, but because life is messy, busy, unpredictable. Maybe the point wasn’t to be noticed, but to know I’d made their day brighter, even if just for a moment.
I lived happily ever after!
This is not so much an asshole situation as it is simply wrong expectations. Either that, or making an asshole of yourself in your own mind, if you will. 😜
One thing I've learned about giving my time and effort to others is not expect reciprocation of generosity, else I'll end up feeling exactly as you described: bitter and resentful. These days, when I do something kind, I expect nothing in return whatsoever, and it's kept any good deeds I perform completely honest. It also removes any ego from the good deeds, knowing that I'm doing them just for the sake of doing them, rather than as a point of pride.
Don't take this as a sign to stop doing good deeds, but rather to evaluate which ones matter the most to you.