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For days now, I have been staring at the theme and have got so many emotions running into me reminding me of the pain I went through during that particular phase of my life as a young lad.
As I grew up, I realized that the pain I went through when I was bullied drives me closer to people who are weak because the instinct to protect them from bullies was in me. Most times when I see people who are bullying others because of the power in their hands, I wished I could grow into a mighty human that can not be touched so I can harm them by using their power or position to bully others.
Indeed bullying is a terrible plague because it does not only leave the victim in a terrible state all the days of their lives if not attended to, it leaves the victim seeking vengeance, it leaves the victim seeking new prey to practice what was done to him or her on another person or vengeance on the people who inflicted pains on them while they were at their weakest moment.
I have experienced bullying right from a young age from most of my teachers, from my peers in school, and also from my peers at home because of my introverted nature.
I wouldn't know if calling it a form a joke from my teacher would help ease the whole situation thinking back to it but constantly reminding me that I was too old to be in a particular class with my peers because I was taller than everyone in that class got to me more than I could imagine.
I was tall because it was a gene and not because I was old, I was the same age as everyone in that class but because I was taller, made my stay in that class was not welcomed.
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My peers bullied me because I wasn't just too tall for my age but I was also too lanky for a girl with such heights, I was tagged Toothpick throughout my years in high school, and many times I broke down crying because I couldn't defend myself, I didn't have any friend who because I couldn't make one because of my nature.
I was always the last to leave the class, never went for a break, and never stay in the cafeteria because I was sure one of my classmates was going to call me the nickname that will humiliate me in the presence of the other students who were not in our class.
I was alone and dreaded the crowd, my peers or seniors would most times bully me because I refuse to participate in some of the activities I felt were against my principles and priorities at that age and the classroom was my safest abode.
I remembered in my third grade how I almost beat one of my classmates to a stupor because she humiliated me in the class a few minutes before our break time.
While I was still writing, she took the board cleaner and cleaned everything the teacher wrote before exiting the class even when I told her I was still writing and started laughing when she was done. I knew it was all planned by her team, so fight to ensure between the both of us. I got the upper hand even though it was my first time standing for myself.
Although my class teacher felt disappointed in me that I had to fight to prove my point to those bullies after narrating my ordeal with every one of them and the names I was called.
I guess the advice of my teacher got to me that I decided to let them be, I never reacted badly to their name-calling even when our teacher had warned them to stop calling me names and stop looking for ways to get on my nerves.
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They never stopped but over time, as I turned dead ears to them, I realized that I had to first accept myself for who I am, and then it would be easy to block these people's words and actions from getting to me.
The healing process wasn't an easy one, because I already had low self-esteem about myself, I hated my body, my height, and my body slow development which made girls laugh at me whenever we have to go into our locker room to change for our exercise lesson. I hated myself as a whole and saw nothing good about my appearance. I felt everything they said, laughed, and mocked me about was true
I wouldn't be lying if I say I am still healing from all of the bullying I received when I was young because the healing process is quite slow but it takes a conscious and determined mind to heal because those words, those actions that transpired between then and there bully because the demons they fight every day to survive from drowning into sadness, anxiety, and depression.
Hello sweetie @carlynn
Oh, we're sorry about the things that happened to you 😥
Unfortunately the aftermath is very real and affects us to this day. It is not easy to cope with them. I think in several cases therapeutic help is very good. It helps to identify various things that affect us and how to cope with them.
I hope you currently have many blessings 🙏
Hugs 🤗
Thank you and yeah the aftermath isn't a nice experience.
I do have a lot of them.
I am very sorry you experienced such a terrible time. I wish you healing.
Thank you so much