Hey, hivers. Itβs good to be back once again. You know Iβve missing on posting some of my blogs. But I canβt sometimes have a time due to poor internet connection, have some personal problems, including to my family and to my surroundings. I donβt know why Iβm having have a hard time on overthinking some negativities. I know this is a kinda wierd but it really connect to my emotions and feelings that connects to my mind and heart which leads me to cry all over the time, either without having some or not. If you canβt understand what Iβm telling about, then kindly allow me to tell all of my problems that I kept form my heart for a long time. Anyways, donβt mind the poor connection, since I can really find a way to fix it, even though Iβm encountering to that kind of problems that makes me annoyed and irritated.
First and foremost, why Iβve been encounter this kind of personal problems? Actually, Iβm also asking this kind of questions to myself. But there are times that it makes me confuse about asking it many times, until I was suddenly faced this kind of problems which leads me to my first greatest mental breakdown. To state with this, this was all about my Mom and my stepdad. Everytime when she comes home, she became unhappy or not feeling well due to his tiredness from work, which my stepdad makes me annoyed because my Mom just always passed him when he was going to hug her. Actually, this was always happened over three days, since Iβve also noticed it. Then my stepdad suddenly speak sometimes which my Mom didnβt like it that leads to have a fight between them. Not only it was happened between them but also to my younger sister. My stepdad and sister weβre also having a fight due to some misundertanding when it comes to respect. Every night when thereβs a fight in our home, my sister sometimes cried because she didnβt respect us, according to my stepdad, which was my Mom sometimes always cried. Then to my Mom, every night she and my stepdad weβre suddenly having a quarrel that I donβt the reasons. To be honest I donβt understand whatβs going on in this house lately. Sometimes I canβt notice or find out what would be the main reason. All I could about is suddenly weak when I felt my heart aches in pain, incuding of crying every night with or without any reasons why. Maybe Iβve considered it as one of my greatest mental breakdown that could be added always with stress, sorrow, depression and anxiety.
The last one is even still the same as the first one. But when it comes to the crucial sitaution of survival, this one is considered as one of the harderst problem to encounter. This thing is was just all about my friends that Iβm encountering for and considering as one of my second family. We used to have a bonding with each other, went to the malls or quantums (that Iβm calling a playing station) after school to relax ourselves and chill and even help with each other if there are many problems to be encounter and endured. Actually, I always used to tell my problems to them when Iβm in a mental breakdown situation, but now?..... I donβt know. Even meeting them at personal, when they asking me about my situation, all I can say about them is either one of this two words: βIβm fine.β and **βYes, Iβm okay.β, even to my BESTFRIEND who asking me everytime. Even though I have many problems that Iβm thinking or if they suddenly noticed about my absent-minded, I also always said those words to them. Little did they know,deep inside, Iβm not really fine and also Iβm not okay. To be honest, I really want to share my problems to them to ease my mind and make myself calm and fine but... I canβt, I really canβt. WHY?! Itβs not because Iβm selfish, itβs not because Iβm hiding something or my problems to them, but thatβs because I gradually noticed and realized that Iβm out of place, I can feel that they donβt need my presence anyways and lastly, I can so feel that Iβm not important to them due to their behavoirs that was suddenly changed including to the toxicity that I felt around them. I tried my best to laugh and smile when Iβm around with them, but I can feel my fake smile and laugh, which was the thing that they didnβt noticed.
Thatβs why I ended up crying either everytime and every night in my room, asking myself why I have to encounter these things? Why canβt I do my best to be happy in front of them even though I have many problems to encounter? But I know to myself that I canβt neither blame GOD about these because I know and I believe to myself that there weβre many reasons why He let me encounter these kind of my problems, nor to all of them, which was the thing I finally realize and understand.
So now, everytime that Iβm still encountering these things, only talking and telling to GOD about these including to my critical situations are my only ways and solutions that can make my mind ease and calm and can also take away the pain that Iβm enduring for. Even though there are times that Iβm become annoyed and stress because of these problems, I always didnβt forget to talk and tell to GOD everytime or every night before I sleep, even when Iβm attending mass to church every Sunday. With these kind of problems that happens to me everytime, I will do the the things that I love in order to make myself happy and also to make myself become the best version of myself, a strong and independent one. I will do everthing to surpass all of these because I know that GOD let all of these problems happen as one of my obstacles and challenges and GOD lso knows that deserve to be loved and valued more than I expected.
PS: All of the photos was mine, it's credited to Pexels, as you've noticed.
Congratulations @fire.phoenix! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 500 comments.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!
Check out our last posts:
Hi, this might a late comment but know that it's okay to not be okay. Sharing your vulnerability here is a sign of strength. In the future if this happens again try to speak up and open and talk to somebody that you really trust. It will help you feel better. I hope it helps.β€οΈ
Thank you so much. I know this will be hard since I donβt have someone to share and trust but I will try. β€οΈ